One Day: I'll have my baby bump

8 weeks 4 days... Update

2012-02-28T17:05:00.000+10:00

Sorry I haven't been posting.. I know I should but have been extremely sick with morning sickness - or in my case all day sickness. Vomiting, headaches and tiredness have gotten a hold of me and Im struggling.. finding the motivation to do anything these days is proven difficult!
I went to the Doctors this morning and she checked my blood pressure, she said its low.. and to try and keep well hydrated and rest... the hydrating is the hardest part as I just vomit but I have found that Ice Blocks are helping a little with that and I am also trying to sip as much fluid as I can.
I'm glad I have been off work the last few days but im back tomorrow and not looking forward to it... 9 hour days are going to kill me!

The count down is on and once I make it past 9 weeks 5 days I think im going to be extremely relaxed.. Im pretty relaxed now but haven't started reading any pregnancy books as yet, I seem to be just carrying on with my life as normal - well as much as I can with this MS. Last time I rushed into everything. Brought a million books, purchased Nursery furniture and was so consumed in it all, this time its just different. Maybe Its just my way of getting through it?.. till I get to that so called "safe period", I don't know but its good.. I cant complain and hubby has been amazing, cooking dinners and looking after me. I had a bit of a melt down last night and just cried. I think it was just because I was vomiting most of the day and having bad headaches and I was totally exhausted by the time he came home and I just cried...

Saw my babies heart beat today...

2012-02-16T16:12:00.002+10:00

and it was the best thing!!! Hubby and I were so excited when we saw that flicker on the screen. Then my FS/Obs turned on the volume so we could hear it..... just the best sound!
I have to go back in another 4 weeks for another scan. I will be 11 weeks by that stage so I'm sure I will see a lot more and hopefully we can get a truer measurement. Once I get past the 10 week mark (that was when I M/C last time) I will be so relieved, so I think Im going to be very nervous at that one.. I am positive and calm that is all good anyway. I feel that this is definitely my take home baby and I cant work out why I feel this way but I like it. :)

EDD is 5th October 2012.

I got through it..

2012-02-12T09:20:00.001+10:00

Thank you so much ladies for the comments on my last post.

I was OK yesterday.. I thought about it alot yesterday but I think being pregnant really helped me get through the day.. I kept myself occupied and spent the day getting pampered, I got my hair done, waxing, manicure and pedicure. So that also helped to keep my mind busy. I also received 2 text messages, one from my best friend and 1 from another friend. It was so nice that they remembered and sent some lovely words to me, saying that they are thinking of me and they love me.

I got home after my 5 hours at the Beauty Salon to rest and DH had brought some nice flowers home with him... such a sweetie!

So I was OK... I mean I thought about it and thought about the what if's but I definitely think being pregnant and knowing that this baby I have in my belly is going to be healthy and I am going to take he or she home made me feel ok. Obviously I will never forget what happened to me and it does still hurt but I am sooo unbelievably positive about this pregnancy and I am trying to focus on that.

So I am 6 weeks and 2 days today and all is going well. I am nauseous most of the day - its better for about 30mins after I eat something and slightly sore boobs/nipples, other then that I am not having any other symptoms, oh besides the increase CM (Sorry TIMI) and thats ok. Im not freaking out that I dont have ALL these symptoms. I know everything is fine and I feel ok. 4 more days until my first and I am very excited... and a little nervous too but I cant wait to see that little flicker from the heart beat!

02/11/2012 :(

2012-02-10T20:11:00.001+10:00

I've reached 6 weeks today with this pregnancy and although I am very blessed that all is well.

I cant help but think of my baby that I lost in July, because my due date is suppose to be tomorrow 02/11/2012.

I am a mess thinking about it tonight so im not sure how im going to be feeling tomorrow. I don't have much to write or know what to say.... I guess most of you know what the heart reaching pain of Miscarriage feels like but I like to express myself through Music and wanted to post this song because its exactly how I feel. (You might need a tissue)

Results!!

2012-02-07T11:42:00.001+10:00

I am extremely happy to say that my HCG levels are at a whooping 11500!!! My FS comment to them was "Superb", I cant wipe the smile off my face.... Im so happy right now!

Time floating by so slowly..

2012-02-05T19:02:00.001+10:00

I feel like time is going so slowly... I shouldn't wish away my pregnancy but at the moment I just can't wait to get past the 1st trimester. I want to know everything is going to be ok 100%, even though i have a great feeling this time... i want to be able to share our exciting news with everyone.

Today I'm 5 weeks and 2 days and everything is going great, apart from the occasional nausea on and off and my stomach muscles feeling like ive done a million sit ups.

I called my FS on Friday to see if I could have another blood test, he said he was more then happy with my results last time but if it makes me feel better, he is happy to refer me for more, I want to just have that comfort in knowing that my levels are rising nicely. So yes I will get the referral in the next few days in the post and have them done again just for my piece of mind.

9 days until my first ultraound and I am very excited at the moment, I'm not sure how I will be when the time comes but for now I am looking forward to it!

I've noticed in the blog world that there is so many ladies that have gotten BFPs lately and I just want to say congrats to you all... We all deserved this and it's finially our time, let the next 9 months be positive and amazing. xx

4 weeks 3 days

2012-01-30T16:38:00.001+10:00

I can't believe that I am 4 weeks and 3 days today!!! Ahhhh!!

I spoke to my FS on Saturday to get my blood results and I'm excited
to say that he was very happy with my HCG and Progesterone level at
this early stage of my pregnancy and wants to see me in a few weeks
for my first scan. YAY!
So I made an appointment for when I am 7 weeks. I didn't want to go
too early as I wanted to make sure that we would see a heart beat and
wanted to be a little further along. So I am booked on the 16th of Feb
- Im counting down already! lol

Hubby and I told his parents yesterday. We weren't going to, but we
are very close to them and my mother in-law has been such a great
support to me - she is like the mum I never had. They were both over
the moon and there was a few tears of excitement shed that afternoon.
They have promised not to tell anyone until we are ready to and I
really don't think it will be before 12 weeks. I want to have my
Nuchal Translucency Scan to make sure there are no issues with
Chromosomes. It's very important to me that scan as - you all know our
last bub had Turners Syndrome which was a Chromosome problem. I know
it's very rare to conceive another baby with that genetic problem but
I just want to be safe before telling anyone else…. So that won't be
until the end of March!!! Oh wow that sounds like such a long time
away!

I have been a little tired the past few days but I haven't experienced
any morning sickness as yet – last time it didn't hit me until 5 and a
half weeks… bring it on I say! Haha.

I have had to give up my Personal Training as my FS doesn't want me to
do any exercise - except walking until further notice. Im ok with that
and I have my treadmill at home which I will do 30 mins of walking
everyday.

I was saying to my husband last night that I feel completely different
this time round, I feel very much at peace that this is meant to be. I
really thought I would freak out and although I did a little when
hubby read the HPT, I just feel very at ease with everything. I am not
worried like I was with my last pregnancy, I am not checking the
toilet paper every time I go to the bathroom and I'm not stressing
about anything at all. Its really quite bazaar but I like this feeling
and I am taking every day as a milestone and will be appreciating
every day of my pregnancy.

Yes I'm pregnant!!

2012-01-26T08:19:00.001+10:00

Much darker today!! OMG!

My FS wants me to have bloods done tomorrow to check my levels. I'll get those results the next day so I REALLY hope they are good!!

I can't beleive it.. It's to most greatest feeling to see that second line. Although I'm nervous and scared in feeling so much more positive this time. Last time I remember constently looking at the toilet paper everytime i went to the bathroom to make sure I wasn't bleeding, I haven't done that at all this time. I just have a feeling that everything is going to be ok, this time and I really hope I'm right!

My EDD is the 5th October - 1 day after our wedding anniversary! :)

10dpo and faint POSITIVE

2012-01-24T20:13:00.001+10:00

I'm in total shock as I tested this afternoon and got a faint positive. Can you all see it? I'm sending this from my iphone so I don't know if it will show up big enough for you all to see... I hope it does!!
I'm going to test again in 2 days and see if It is darker.
I couldn't look at the test when I did it, I got DH to read it.. When he said to me "I can definately see a faint line, is that good?" I instantly felt very nervous, excited and scared all at the same time. It's faint but you don't have to look to hard to see it.

I really hope this is my take home baby!! Please be my take home baby!!

1dpo - I think

2012-01-15T20:27:00.004+10:00

Im feeling much better then I was when I last posted - Thank you so much to the ladies who commented. I know I dont say it much but I really appreciate your comments/advise etc so I really want to thank you all for listening!

Today I am 1dpo ( I think). 2 nights ago - I tested on OPK around 530pm and got a line but not a very dark one. We then went to a friends for dinner and I was having a little bit of cramping so I tested again when we got home - around 11pm. It was a strong positive, I was quite shock at the difference 6 hours made to the test! I tested again the next day which was yesterday around lunch time and it was still a strong positive, plus more cramping later that night.

I tested again this afternoon and the strong positive has faded compared to the other two tests. I think we have covered all our bases and have to just wait and see if we were successful in catching the eggy.

DH is in bed at the moment, he had a bad migraine this afternoon and was feeling really unwell the poor thing :(

We BD this morning and I think we will BD tomorrow (as long as he is feeling better) just to be doubly sure. lol

I didn't have any CM what so ever this month which I was a little concerned about but we used Pre-seed so im hoping that would help with the whole "keeping the sperm healthy" thing.

So Im classing today as 1dpo because I figure I ovulated last night due to the cramps etc. I guess you can never be sure exactly without temping.

Sometimes I feel that my posts are always about the same things each month. I really wish I had more exciting news to tell but I guess at the moment everything is so monitored that each month seems to be the same as the other.

Anyway...... Just thought I would share this... I found this a long time ago - I cant even remember where and when I become pregnant I would like to put these words in my future babies room somewhere. I think its a lovely quote and very true!

Its been 6 months :(

2012-01-13T13:11:00.001+10:00

Im feeling great sadness today that I wont have my baby to take home early next month.

It's been 6 months today since I lost my baby. Can you believe it... 6 months!!! My belly should be almost ready to pop! :(

I've been thinking about it a lot lately over the past few weeks - I think that's because my EDD is coming up and coming up real quick. I should be getting things organized, I should have the room all set out perfectly like it is pictured in my head, I should be finishing work in a few weeks and saying goodbye to my work mates but instead I'm still TTC, starting it all over again, the difference between this time and last time is I am on medication now and its taking longer then last time to get my BFP, I sometimes I think I will never see that BFP again as over the past few months I havent seen one yet.

Why is it so difficult? I never thought that my life would be like this. I never once thought that I would lose my baby, then to be put on medication to try and help me conceive another one ( im sure none of us do expect that, do we?) It sucks. I wish I could do more for myself and for others but I cant and I hate that I cant.

I should be feeling excited and nervous about meeting my baby for the first time but im not and I am sad that I will not be able to experience that in the coming weeks. Im sad that I wont be able to go into the hospital with hubby next month and walk out as a perfect little family. Instead I will be feeling the total opposite... I will be feeling sadness and pain that I have failed.

cd12, FS appointment & Ultrasound

2012-01-10T12:03:00.004+10:00

I just got back from my appointment with the FS. We had a chat about how everything is going and he also did a Ultrasound to check my follicles.

I told him that I have been having some different cramps this cycle and I was a little concerned that it hadn't worked or over worked.

I jumped up on the Ultrasound table and he had a look at my Uterus first. He measured my endometrium and said that looks good..(didnt give me the measurement and i forgot to ask)

He then looked at my right ovary (the one I seem to always ovulate from & conceived from the 1st time) and there was only tiny small follicles there and he said.. "This ovary just has a POCS appearance to it with no dominant follicle". I was pretty worried and thought to myself "you have to be joking!!"

Anyway.. on to the left ovary and there was 1 dominant follicle there that measured approx 17mm. He seemed really happy with that and said I should ovulate possibly around cd14 or so.

I wasn't so happy with that number, but didnt say anything.... I think because when I normally get my Ultrasound done - although its normally cd13 (a day later) they are normally measuring around 20mm. So I kind of think to myself maybe it isn't big enough to ovulate :( I mean he is the expert and seemed really happy with it so I guess I have to trust his opinion.

We also had a chat about the Clomid and how long he wanted me to be on it. He said although this is month 4 on Clomid this is only the 2nd time I have had success in getting a decent follicle for ovulation. So he said fingers crossed you get pregnant this month but if not then he would be happy for me to do a few months unmonitored and see how I go as everything is working well on my dose. If we haven't conceived by April then I am to go back to see him and we will have to talk about possibly doing IUI - Intrauterine Insemination because that will be the next step for us.

I hope it doesn't come to that and I can just fall pregnant before then... geez I don't want to wait until April... that's just to far away.... but I am glad that he has this back up plan and I know what I am to do if things don't work out this month.

I guess I will just have to wait and see if I get a positive OPK and my progesterone bloods done again next Thursday - cd21 to detect ovulation.

CD5 Today

2012-01-03T11:46:00.006+10:00

I'm CD5 today already.. and AF seems to have eased off/ pretty much stopped today.

I started my 4th round Clomid last night and just started on the same dose as last month.. and thank god I made the right choice because I got a call from my FS this morning and he said that he was happy that I went ahead and started it. fewww!

He wanted me to go and see him on Monday coming but I asked if Tuesday morning (cd12) would be ok as it is my day off work and he said that's fine, but just to make sure I have s3x on cd10 - "well of course I will Dr!! haha.." He said he is going to do an Ultrasound in his rooms to check my follicles and also have a chat with me. I told hubby and he wants to come with me, so I am happy that he will come along, its been a while since I actually sat down to talk to him so I'm sort of excited to see him. ( weird hey?).

My FS said he is happy with everything at the moment. He said my bloods were perfect last month and that I responded perfectly to the Clomid dose last month - which I knew I did anyway.. but to hear him say it makes me feel better about things - just wish we could catch the egg! :(

I was actually thinking of trying the SMEP this month because I think maybe hubby and I are doing to much BD before a positive OPK and not enough after it. So we are going to give that a try I think and see how we go. I have read a few things on the net and quite a few people have said some positive things about it as well as success in conceiving. I have also purchased some Pre-seed - not that I suffer in that department...lol... but I thought its suppose to help sperm stay alive or something so I thought I would give that a try also. Ive never used it before but I guess there is a first time for everything.. and I will give anything a go at the moment!!! haha

Thank God 2011 is over....

2012-01-01T09:52:00.007+10:00

Last night we all counted down to 2012 and I couldn't of been happier to welcome in a new year.

2011 has been the most horrible year of my life, heartbreaking, disappointing, difficult and the list of words could go on. As you all know it was the year that we lost our first baby at 10 weeks due to Turners Syndrome. Damn you chromosome abnormalities!!!!!! :( I hate you!

I can't believe that New Years Eve in 2010 was when we said to each other that 2011 was going to be our year and we were going to start our little family. Never in my dreams did I think that I would still be here, exactly 12 months later with nothing... not every a baby bump. Life is so unfair and I hate that it turned out the way it did because no one should go through that pain and sadness.

So this year my new years resolution is to - Yes again start our family and get pregnant but I really want to take home my baby this time. That's all I ask for. Nothing more.

Your probably wondering why my post isn't really a happy post.... well that's because AF arrived 3 days ago and we didn't have any success in catching the egg last month! I am upset, angry, confused and so disappointed in myself... I'm on Clomid, I have an Ultrasounds to check my follicles to see if I will ovulate, I take OPKs to determine the day that I do ovulate, mean while BD like crazy and still don't catch it!!!! What the hell am I doing wrong? Another thing I'm upset about is my FS is closed.... I tried to phone them last week thinking they would be open in between Christmas and New years but they aren't open for another week. So I am confused as to whether I go ahead and just take the same dose of Clomid as last month (which worked perfectly) or if I just miss this cycle on Clomid. Its going to be to late to wait for them to re-open as I am suppose to start taking it tomorrow.

This will also be my 4th cycle on it! :( :(

I just don't want to waste this month as every month is precious to me.

wow so much to catch up on....

2011-12-22T18:25:00.006+10:00

I have been so busy this past 2 weeks with Christmas just around the corner.. I'm so glad that its almost here though, I am looking forward to some much needed time at home and with hubby of course.

So a lot has happened since my last post.. and it looks like I have a few blogs to catch up on as well which I will be doing after this post!!

Well I ended up getting a strong positive on CD15.. after all that stress thinking that I had ovulated early.. pfft!! I also just had my cd21 blood test which came back at 37.6 which indicated that, yes in deed I did ovulate!!! :) :) YAY so I was very happy to get that result.. my doubts on 25mg of Clomid being not being enough certainly smacked me in the face! haha.

So today I am 8dp +opk so im guessing may 7pdo if I ovulated the next day?! AF is due on NYE so I'm going to try and hold out till then and test if AF hasnt arrived of course (what an awesome way to start the new year!!!) I'm not going to get my hopes up to much just in case but it would be nice to start the new year that way.

2011 certainly has been a crappy year for me!

A friend actually put on her Facebook status: Sum up your 2011 in just one word. The first word that popped into my head was "heartbreaking" she will know what I mean but no one else will get it. I've then copied her status and put it on my Facebook and someone already has asked me what mine is... haha.. I'm such a dil I always get myself into these situations!

Anyway getting back to my story.... so I've been having some symptoms, symptoms that I don't ever remember having last month post ovulation. I mean I got the normal "ovulation pains" that you get but these are AFTER ovulation... I know its only early but I'm not sure what to think of them... I mean I hope they are good but just thought I would post them up and see if anyone has any feedback on why I am getting them this month and didnt last month.

1dpo - Nothing

2dpo - Nothing

3dpo - Mild cramps on right side (same side as the ovary I ovulated from)

4dpo - Mild cramps again on right side and dull AF type pains, lots of creamy CM.

5dpo - Feeling really blah and tired, bloated and still dull cramps.

6dpo - Cramps again then lower back ache/cramps in the afternoon, lots of wet CM.

7dpo- Woke up from having terrible nightmares (which I never have) no real cramping today but a fair bit of creamy CM.

Now off to read some blogs! :)

CD13 Plus Ultrasound Results

2011-12-13T11:42:00.001+10:00

My week so far -

CD8 - Finished my last Clomid tablet.

CD10- Had watery CM all day.

CD11- Had watery CM all day, took a OPK and it was positive but not a strong positive so didnt count it?!.

CD12 - Had lots of EWCM, took an OPK and it was slightly lighter then CD11s test. Also had some mild cramping in the afternoon.

CD13 - Today, Had Ultrasound this morning and I have a 20mm follicle on my Right side (always seems to be the ovary that likes to work?!) My Endometrium is measuring 8mm which is great. I have a small 10mm follicle on my left side but im not counting that one as its to small. The Sonographer said that I may have already ovulated as I had a small amount of fluid in my Endometrium area which apparently happens right after ovulation?!

SO im not sure whether I have already ovulated but I have a feeling I may have but if I havent then I still have a decent follicle there for ovulation. Ive also had a little bit of mild cramping today as well. So ill wait until I get home from work and take another OPK and see what I get.. maybe I missed the surge.. maybe it was CD10 but thats only 2 days after my last tablet which I think is to early.

Last month I ovulated on CD13 so I didnt think I would ovulate any earlier then that but its possible isnt it? We have been BD like crazy so I hope that I get my Christmas BFP!!! :) guess I just have to wait now and see what happens.

Liebster Award :)

2011-12-09T08:41:00.002+10:00

Thank you so much to Jenny at Long way around and Carlia at The Stock Drop Zone who awarded me with the Liebster award. Liebster is a German word meaning dearest, and the award is given to up-and-coming bloggers with less than 200 followers.

Now, on to the award! here's how it works:
1. Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.
2. Reveal your top five picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.
3. Copy and paste the award on your blog.
4. Hope that the people you’ve sent the award to forward it to their five favorite bloggers and keep it going!

Its such a hard decision to pick only 5 because there are so many that I love but here goes.. in no particular order. Love you girls!!

1. Jesica - Just smile and blog
2. M - Wishing and hoping and thinking and praying
3. E & R - Dreaming of babies
4. Mrs V - All the little things
5. Ann - Trying for a baby

cd8

2011-12-08T18:22:00.003+10:00

Today I am cd8 and I take my last Clomid tablet tonight - or should I say half a tablet. I am sorry for the lack of posts but I really haven't had any exciting news to share with you all.... I wish I did!! :(

I have been having a few twinges on this round of Clomid, like the last two months really, nothing any different anyway, But I was quite surprised though as I didn't think that I would get any response/symptoms due to it being a very low dose but I happy that its working.

I had AF for about 6 days which was the longest I have ever had it and I got some awful cramps mid way though as well - which I've never had before either. I'm just putting it down to not having a proper AF for months.

I have my Ultrasound next Tuesday morning cd13 (like last month) so I'm hoping that there will be a nice big follicle to ovulate and hopefully this time I can catch the darn thing!!!

I've worked out already, and I have my fingers crossed that I will have a BFP around Christmas!! What a awesome Christmas present that would be wouldnt it?! I dont want to get my hopes up to much but it would be nice.

Anyway ill update you all after my Ultrasound early next week and hopefully I can give you some good news!!! Lets hope its 3rd time lucky!!!!!!!!

November wasnt my month :(

2011-12-02T10:56:00.001+10:00

Yesterday (CD27) I started to get spotting when I woke up. That turned into more spotting through the day then REALLY bad cramps last night. I woke up this morning and AF had fully arrived - they aren't really heavy but they are there and awful cramps :( So obviously I had no luck catching any of those eggs!!!

I'm not too down.... I'm mean it would have been great to fall pregnant but obviously it wasnt meant to be this month and maybe because I over ovulated which isn't quite right either so I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I'm just so happy that I ovulated (even though maybe a bit to much), I'm happy that AF showed up properly at Cd28 ( this is the shortest cycle I have ever had) and I'm happy that its a normal AF and my body did it on its own.

I phoned my FS and he said tomorrow afternoon to start taking 25mg of Clomid ( Half a tablet for 5 days) I'm not sure why he is reducing my dose so much but hes the expert so I guess ill see how that goes. I hope this is my last cycle on the Clomid because I have heard that you shouldn't keep taking it for long term. So I really do hope this small dose will work.

8dpo.. Blood results!

2011-11-25T20:10:00.006+10:00

My progesterone levels were taken yesterday and I got the results this morning. I have to admit I was really surprised when I saw them, quite shocked to be honest because they were high.......very high..... so I started to panic thinking there was something really wrong!

I waited till 9am to phone my FS and then he was in with a patient (damn it!) so the nurse told me that he would call me back, he did... a long hour later.

Your thinking... what is the level??!!!! WELL my progesterone level was 318.2!!!!!!!!

I know what your thinking.... "OMG", "that's high" "what the?" because I was thinking all the same things as well. He previously told me that anything over 20 was indication of ovulation... mine is 318.2 I was freaking out!

Anyway.... My FS told me not to freak out about the number, that it just means that I ovulated more then 1 egg/follicle ( not really sure if that's a good thing or bad thing for me!) I told him that hubby and I BD the day of the Ultrasound and that's it (which was true) thats also the day I got the positive OPKs but I didnt tell him that part..... he was ok and said to me to wait until next week and take a HPT and if negative then wait for AF and give him a call. Obviously if positive I am to call him as well and he said he will monitor me more regularly through the pregnancy then last time, more scans, blood tests etc.

I asked him what the chances of a multiple pregnancy would be if we did conceive and he said they are slim but can happen obviously! eekk!!

I got home from work and thought I would just take a HPT to see what came up. I was expecting a negative because I'm only 8dpo and that's what I got.

To be honest I'm not sure how I feel, I keeping thinking because I haven't have ANY implantation bleeding / spotting that this cant be a successful month for me. I know not everyone gets that but I had it when we conceived last time (I had gush of blood at 3dpo and spotting 10dpo and 11dpo) Im not sure which one was the implantation but by 13dpo I had a faint positive, so why wouldn't I get one this time. I also cant recall having lots of EWCM this time... but I did ovulate so maybe I did have some but didn't notice much... Is that weird to anyone?

I'm actually fine if its not our month. I mean I will be extremely happy if we are but I am just so happy I ovulated (Maybe ovulated a little to much but I'm happy!) I feel great in myself, I'm happy and in a really good head space lately. I feel so much better and emotionally healthier.

I will wait till next week and test again and see what happens. Wait..... that's all I can do isnt it!

5dpo (cd18)

2011-11-22T19:31:00.003+10:00

Today I am 5dpo... I woke up this morning from a 11 hour sleep as I was extremely tired yesterday... feeling so much better now!

Today I've had some AF type cramps and bloating, I still have the aches every now and then. I also had lots of creamy white discharge the past few days (sorry TMI).

I'm sure they are just post ovulation symptoms and I'm trying not to read into them to much. I don't want to get my hopes up to be disappointed so I'm trying to go with the flow... I am however counting down the days till my Blood test to check my progesterone, I've seen that level always at <0.5 so I'm really hoping I can see a different number now I have finally ovulated.

Over the past week I have found out that a mutual friend of mine is pregnant with Twins (her first baby or should I say Babies) and a girl from work is 16 weeks pregnant with her 4th baby. I'm happy for both of them but there was a few days there that I said to my husband "geez, I think someone up there either hates me or has it in for me", because everywhere I turn there is someone in my face saying "I'm pregnant" I just hope that one day I will be able to say that and everything will be OK till I have my baby in my arms.

Decison made...

2011-11-18T12:38:00.003+10:00

I got home last night and took a OPKs and it was positive.... so after long discussion last night with my Hubby and I also phoned my dad and my Nanna (who is like my mum) and spoke to both of them for over an hour, then hubby and I spoke some more after I got off the phone. We decided to give it a go!

Hubby wanted to give it a try and if we ended up with twins then we will deal with that when the time comes. He said what happens if next month nothing happens? he said what if you didnt ask a co-worker to scan me, we wouldn't have known that there was a lot and would have just went for it once we got a positive OPK (my FS didn't tell me to get an Ultrasound this time he just said to take OPKs and my progesterone blood test on cd21)

I think I am more worried and scared about having a miscarriage again and that was my main concern but I think thats normal for anyone who has experienced one.

So with all that we decided to do the deed last night or "action" as my hubby calls it lol..... and then not again over the weekend. We don't want to over do it and go at it all weekend and fertilizing all of the ones that pop.. so if we were lucky to catch one from lasts nights "action" then I will be happy. If not I am happy with that also, I have ovulated and I'm happy about that because I know then if I dont get a BFP I WILL finially get a proper AF!! :0)

There was a few questions on my last post:
1. My Endometrium was 8mm (which I was told is good) Is it??
2. No Im not doing a trigger shot. Just letting it ovulation happen naturally.

I woke up with little bit of pain. Its a hard pain to explain but when I get up from a chair I get an almighty ache in my ovary area/ lower pelvic area. I guess it's due to ovulation but I've never had this type of ache before (although I never ovulated on clomid before) I am feeling a bit better now and also took another OPK when I got home. Its still positive but a slightly lighter then last nights but still very positive.

That's all I can report on today! Thanks for the comments ladies on my last post.. xx

Good news but not so good... what to do?!

2011-11-17T15:27:00.001+10:00

So I'm Cd13 today and I thought that I would get one of the sonographers at work to have a quick look at my Follicles to see if they are large enough for ovulation and they were!! The biggest one is measuring 28mm! Last month they were only measuring around 13mm which was to small, hence why I didnt ovulate. That's the good news!

They bad news is............ that I have about 7 follicles ranging from 20mm to 28mm!!! I call my FS to ask him what to do and he is on holiday!... Damn it.. I forgot!!.... So the nurse said to me that she will call and speak to the head doctor that my FS also works with at the IVF clinic and ask his opinion for me... 10 mins later she phoned me back and said that they have responded perfectly but a little to perfectly.. and that if I didn't want to risk a multiple pregnancy then we shouldn't try this month. GRR!!!

I did some Googling ( I know, I know, I shouldn't) but I found that a few people have had this happen and their FS advised them to not try but they did and they either got pregnant with 1, didn't fall pregnant at all or did have twins. I am so torn whether to try or leave it this month!!.

I spoke to hubby quickly on the phone and he said that he is happy to risk it but will talk about it more tonight when we are both home from work.

Now...... What should I do ladies!!??? Should I risk it or should I leave it? I need some help! I dont really want to have a multiple pregnancy - to be honest I dont think my little belly would handle more then 1! I wish there was a sign or something that would tell me what to do!.

Cd12

2011-11-16T08:56:00.004+10:00

Today I'm CD12 and there isn't really anything to report. :(

My symptoms after the Clomid died down after cd9 and I haven't had any aches/pain since. - I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not?!!?!? I've been using OPKs since Cd10 and they are all negative so far, I know that I started early but I just wanted to start early just in case. I do remember last month that I was having aches in my left ovary around this time which didn't result in ovulation, so I'm hoping the different symptoms - or no symptoms for that matter is a good sign?!?!

I hope that I do ovulate this month but wont know until I get a positive on an OPKs or a good blood result on Cd21! Oh I hate waiting!

Oh I have put a poll in the top right hand corner of my blog in regards to Clomid, If you are/have been on Clomid before could you please vote. Thanks Ladies!

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Pinterest - A new friend got me onto this and it seems a lot of you blogger ladies are doing it to so if you want to follow me you can find my here and I will return the favor and follow you! I've only got 2 people following me haha... I cant convince any of my Facebook friends to follow me!

CD7

2011-11-11T13:27:00.006+10:00

Its Friday here (Yay, thanks god for the weekend!).

I am cd7 and on my 4th day of Clomid.

I have been a horrible bitch to my husband last night and also this morning... got I hate how medication makes me so moody! grr!! He knows im sorry but I wish I would stop being so silly!

I'm not feeling to bad on my second round of Clomid, the hot flushes started last night and lasted most of the night which was annoying as its really hot here as it is! I am feeling a little tried today as well which maybe from the Diabex or could be that I've have 4 personal training sessions this week!

I haven't had any other yukky side effects from it so far either which is great.

_________

Oh if you all didn't see my reply to your comments on my last post. Here it is:

Thanks ladies.. glad i wasn't over reactive. It really hurt me when she said that and I did contact her. I sent her a really long email, it was polite but also got my point across and told her that she really doesn't know the full extent and heartache hubby and I have gone through losing our little one and also the problems I am having after wards. I also sent her that link, so thank you Megan! She replied saying that she was very sorry if she offended me in anyway she was just trying to be supportive. It is actually my hubbies sister. She is 22 with a 7 month old baby girl. Thanks again and I'm glad that you are on my side!! you ladies rock! thanks for being there!! xx

Some of you might have seen this already but I wanted to share it.... Grab a tissue before pressing play! I sure needed one - Have a great weekend everyone!!!

What you think you create..(hmm im not so sure)

2011-11-09T13:22:00.003+10:00

So this is what happened - I finally got good blood results today from my blood test yesterday morning. My FS called and said its all good and that my levels are now suppose to be where they are! (YAY)
I was very happy with that and put this on my facebook:

"Receiving good news is quite an amazing feeling! :)"

A relative popped up on my facebook chat within a minute of posting it and said "whats the good news" so I told her that I have finally had a good blood result and I know its silly but it nice to have something go right for a change.

Then she said the following:

" Hope more good news comes, I think all you need to do is stop all the medication, relax, stop stressing about it and it will come naturally. What you think you create, its all in the mind. You just need to relax"

Now I was taken back by this but didn't react otherwise I would have said the following:

- If that's true and "what you think you create" then why cant I get a period, ovulate and fall pregnant, because I'm thinking I want all of these to happen and none of them are!!! SO explain how that works??!

- Relax?? well you have a miscarriage, go through what Ive been through then tell me to relax. I'm doing a good good of it I think so back off telling me to "relax"!

- Stop medication?? Are you a Specialist? I wouldn't be on it if I didn't have to be. We cant all just get pregnant first go and pop out a beautiful baby that you parm off to everyone because you are sick of her!!! Grrr

Now that's what I would of said to her but thought it might not be the right thing to do! haha.
Thinking of it now I wish I did say something to her instead of ignoring it.

Do you think I am over reacting or what she said was inappropriate?
I'm so angry how people just assume that I am bringing this all on myself by being on medication and by being a little bit stressed, I'm trying to relax, I'm trying to stay positive and I was positve and happy until YOU said this to me!

I feel like sending her a great big email and making her understand that she shouldn't say that and what I have been through has been tuff.. does anyone have any suggestions on what I should and shouldn't say?

My FS appointment

2011-11-08T10:07:00.001+10:00

I'm sitting at pathology waiting to get my bloods done after my FS appointment this morning.
I'm getting the following tested:
Prolactin
Fsh/lh/estradiol/ progesterone
Thyroid function test.

My appointment went well.. I don't feel upset and cry this time like I normally do once I walk out the door. Normally I worry way to much about things and I think that's been part of my problem. So my FS was happy that I had a gush of blood on Saturday night, he said that it's not anything bad and some people have that as a period (specially in my case) so hes rolling with it. He calculated that I'm cd4 today and I am to Start 2 tablets a day of clomid for 5 days starting today. He also prescribed me diabex - a slow release tablet that works the same as metformin but doesn't hit you as hard. I am also to start 1 tablet today until further notice. I hope that it's better then the metformin as that really knocked me around.
I have to do the process of bloods drawn on cd21 again to see if I ovulated as well.

I tell you, I've never had so many blood tests in my life. I use to be terrified of them but lately they seem to be part of my routine!

I guess it's just a waiting game now to see if I ovulate! Fingers crossed it works this time!

Day before my FS appointment

2011-11-07T10:36:00.005+10:00

I hope you all had a great weekend. Mine was good we had a function on - a big formal dinner actually and it was so nice to get out of the house and get all dressed up :)

Well since my last post and complaining about my Metformin making me feel sick, tired and etc. I stopped it that night, so its been about 5 days and I feel SOOOOO much better. Its amazing how different I feel. I hope there is something else that my FS can give me that doesn't make me feel like that again.

So I am CD 36 today but had a very interesting night on Saturday.... I went to the bathroom and had a gush of bright red fresh blood (sorry TMI) I was really excited - that's slightly sad, isn't it!! but I was excited to think that AF was here and she came unassisted... but that gush of blood... and, yeah there was a fair bit there only lasted about an hour then I had slight spotting then nothing the next day.
I had no pain at all and normally I can feel them coming on and didn't feel that either so I am a little unsure what that was.. I thought maybe it was a cyst that had burst or something but I didn't get any pain. Ive never had anything like that before and I'm hoping that my FS can tell me what it may have been tomorrow morning when I see him. I hope its a good sign though and not something bad.

I'm sure he will put me on another round of Provera and Clomid (higher dose then last month) guess I will just have to wait and see what he says.. ill keep you all posted!!

CD31

2011-11-01T18:30:00.005+10:00

I wish I was saying CD1 but I wouldn't be that lucky now would I!? Still no sign of AF and I don't think there is going to be a show of her on her own. My progesterone level was far to low at my last blood test the other week (<0.5) so I didn't think that she would arrive on her own.

I had to decrease my Metformin as I was feeling extremely sick when I tried to increase it. So I'm only on 500mg a day (1tablet) as apposed to 2000mg like my FS wanted me to be on. I spoke to him today actually as I am still not feeling myself, still a little tired and just feel blah. He told me that he wants to see me early next week and we will talk about possibly giving me a slow release Metformin and he wanted to chat with me about a few other things.

So I made an appointment on Tuesday morning.

Ive been thinking to myself lately to stop the medication all together and maybe try a Chinese Herbalist to get my body back in balance as my hormones are still all out of whack! My hubby isnt really keen on the idea and he doesn't really believe stuff like that works. I on the other hand have always believed in that type of treatment for things. I just want to start feeling myself again and stop feeling so darn yuck all the time... so I will give anything a go!!

Hubby said that we should give it one last try with the Provera and then the Clomid as I am due to take it in a few days anyway (cd35) and see if that brings on a proper period this time and if not he is happy for me to do that and then get a second opinion in January when I can get in to see another FS.

I was even thinking... can you do both.... Natural medicine with western medicine? Does anyone have any advise/experience as to if this would help balance my hormones? ie increase my Progesterone.

I am in a better head space then my last post and I have been steering clear of a baby/Pregnancy forum that I would visit on my IPhone several times a day and I think that has really helped. I also started personal training - I use to do it about a year ago and I had my first session this morning with my old trainer and I really enjoy it. He is taking it slow with me as I told him everything that's happened and that I am not feeling 100% on this medication but it was a good session this morning and cant wait to lose a few kilos and start to feel good about myself again!

I hope you all had a great Halloween.. we don't celebrate it to much here in Australia - to be honest we had no knocks at the door this year. Last year we had dozens of kiddies!

Baby Austin

2011-10-29T21:51:00.002+10:00

I have been following Sarah's blog and her journey to motherhood for almost as long as I have been blogging.

She gave birth to Baby Austin October 25th at full term and my heart absolutely sank to read that her little man is on life support after a picture perfect labor and birth.

Please jump over to her blog and send her some hugs and lots of prayers for baby Austin!

CLICK HERE FOR SARAHS BLOG

Stay positive and I'm thinking of you, Brett and little Austin!!! xx

I'm losing myself...

2011-10-26T15:20:00.006+10:00

I'm home from work today.. I use to love my job but lately I have hated being there. It could be because I work in Radiology and see lots of pregnant ladiesthere - some who I must say cant even look after themselves let along a baby (but who am I to judge! ) or it could because I am just tried, sick and really enjoy being alone at home at the moment.

I'm not sure if this is a normal side effect of Metformin but after increasing my dose to 2 tablets a day (1000mg) I have been feeling extremely tired, I have no energy to do anything let alone exercise like my FS recommended! I'm suppose to start Personal Training next week and I really don't know how I am going to find the energy.

I broke down last night.. I wasn't feeling well at all.. kept feeling like I wanted to vomit. Hubby told me to jump in the shower with him to see if the water would make me feel better, I jumped in and he hugged me and I just cried. I feel like my whole life has gone down hill and I cant seem to climb out of it the hole. My FS gave me a number of a Councillor as I told him how I have been feeling and I was looking into it. I called her yesterday and have an appointment with her on my next day off in just under 2 weeks. I hope it makes me feel better.. I hate feeling like this, I hate having no energy, crying at the drop of a hat and hating myself.

I'm cd25 today and waiting another 10 days for AF and if she doesn't arrive then its another round of Provera but upping my dose.

A poem for all you mother's in waiting

2011-10-25T18:51:00.000+10:00

CD23

2011-10-24T15:05:00.006+10:00

I had to have my CD21 blood test on Saturday and my regular Pathology place isn't open on Saturdays so I had to go some where else that was open. I'm not sure if I have mentioned this before but I have tiny veins - they normally have to use a children needle to get any blood out of me and have a difficult time finding them ( pathetic, I know!)
My normal pathology place is great. The ladies there know me to well now as I am having so many of them. They always leave me pain free and bruise free which is always nice, it took me a while to find the right place to go to and I was cranky that my CD21 fell on a Saturday!!. This other place I had to go to..... ouchie ouchie.. it hurt so bad and my poor arm is bruised really badly. I had to lay down as I thought I was going to pass out from her wiggling the needle around my arm to find a vein ( Im cringing just thinking about it!!)

I also got the results of my painful blood test and even though my FS and I both suspected that I didnt ovulate he wanted me to get it just to make sure and also to check my level. I called my FS this morning and because he was with a patient I asked the Nurse what is was..... ( I bet your thinking..... did she ovulate???)...... Well no I didn't :( My Progesterone was at CD21 <0.5 ( Less then 0.5)
Normally if you ovulate your level is 20 or over and I'm LESS than 0.5!!! My Progesterone has been <0.5 the whole time since having all my blood work before even starting on any medication so I thought it would have increased just a little. The nurse told me that it is really low and that this level is common in ladies with menopause.... but to talk to my FS more about it. I called back 3 hours later as I still hadn't heard from him and he was doing transfers in the IVF clinic and wouldn't be able to talk to me today.. so I have to wait until tomorrow! :(

I know I shouldn't have, but I got reading different articles on how low my Progesterone is and although its been this low since the start of all my blood work and I'm sure my FS realises that and that why he put me on the medication he has. I just wanted to share with you what I found and asking what you think of it?

Many young women who are having difficulty conceiving actually have very low progesterone levels, but normal estrogen. Often times they are less than 0.5 progesterone, which is a menopausal number. As more and more women wait until their late 20s or 30s to conceive, they have already had a significant drop in progesterone levels. It is unclear what is causing such a dramatic decrease in this essential hormone, but it could be from taking birth control pills (which suppresses progesterone production) or from stress.

You can read the whole article here on it.

That paragraph sums me up to a tee!! :( Damn you birth control pills!!

Also today I had to increase my Metformin as my FS was introducing it slowly. I firt started on 1 tablet a day for a week then increasing it this week to 2 tablets till eventually end up on 3 a day. I was a little nervous taking 2 today while I was at work but so far... fingers crossed I don't get that yukky side effect or at least it waits till I get home.

I'm still feeling a bit worried.. I'm sure you can see my this post about my Progesterone haha. I'm just so confused as to why my body has responded to the medication the way it has since my miscarriage, it seems like its just shut down and saying closed for business!! Its very frustrating and now I have to wait to talk to my FS as I either have to have another blood test in a few days or wait for AF - which I REALLY don't think will happen as I didn't ovulate.

I have been thinking I might contact a counsellor - there is one that works with Fertility near where I live. I'm just not sure if I qualify in that area though as she is based in an IVF clinic and helps ladies deal with that as well as infertility and stress of TTC. (Ive only been trying for 10 months and not had any IVF) I just feel like I need some help and if talking to someone will change my way of thinking and also reduce my stress levels then it could be good for me... right?!

October ICLW

2011-10-20T12:25:00.009+10:00

This is my 4th time on ICLW I haven't done it since July. So I am looking forward to being occupied for a week and finding some new blogs.

So here is a little bit of back ground for my new visitors.

I'm 27 year old Aussie. My husband is 28. We have been together since 2000 and married since 2008. We have been TTC our 1st baby since January 2011. (10 Months and yes I'm counting...)

We fell pregnant at the end of May but unfortunately I had a miscarriage in July. Here is my first post after my miscarriage and here you can read some more of our baby at 9 weeks 5 days.

I struggled with the loss but than felt strengh from my husband and family to get through it. I then had good and bad days and still do. Since my miscarriage and D&C I didn't have a AF for about 12 weeks. I was having lots and lots of blood work to follow my hormone levels. I then was prescribed Provera to bring on AF which didn't really work, all I got out of that was 3 days of light brown spotting (sorry TMI)

I then started Clomid for 5 days.. had an Ultrasound on cd12 and then see my FS. It wasn't the best appointment and you can read the whole story here but my ovaries didn't respond to the Clomid like they should have. He diagnosed me with borderline PCOS or PCO whatever you wish to call it. Basically my bloods don't indicate PCOS but my irregular periods and irregular ovulation and how my ovaries responded to the Clomid show symptoms that I am borderline.

Currently:

I'm on Cd 21, haven't ovulated and don't think I'm going to this month. Was prescribed Metformin so currently taking that and having yukky side effects on it. ( for those on it know what side effects I'm taking about!)

The past 3 month since my miscarriage has been hard... hard from the loss and hard to move on when my body isn't working or responding to anything. I'm trying to be positive but I find it difficult sometimes. I love blogging and my blog friends, its great to know that there are people in the world that can relate to how you feel and know all the right things to say when you are feeling down thats why I enjoy blogging so much.

I also saw this on other blog that I follow (thanks "Just Heather") I really wanted to share it and I think its a great quote! hope you don't mind :)

"It's hard to wait for something you know might never happen;
but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you want"

Hope you have a great ICLW week!

Not in a good space today....

2011-10-19T17:44:00.004+10:00

Today isn't a great day for me.. Yes I know this is going to be a sad post but I need to get it out!

I'm feeling somewhat crushed by my appointment with my FS on Monday. I feel sad, embarrassed and also frustrated.

I keeping asking myself what did I do to deserve this? I know I shouldn't think like that but I'm not in a good space today.

I posted this on Facebook yesterday "when life knocks you down, get back up" - I hate this saying because you can only take so many knock downs before you start to think what's the point of getting back up! and maybe I shouldn't have because now I have been getting text messages and emails from close friends asking if I am OK and whats the matter. I just reply.. telling them I don't want to talk about it at the moment because I don't and I'm not sure why, I think its because I am just hurt and a little embarrassed telling them. I know they are just trying to be nice and make sure I'm OK but I don't want to talk to them about it. I couldn't even tell my best friend what was wrong cause I just didn't want to hear the reply of " oh it will be OK, blah blah"!

My husband said I shouldn't be embarrassed and that this is not the end.. its just another hurdle that we have to try and jump over. Its true, I know but I have to get out of this mind set.. how do I do it? I cant!!? How do I stay positive when every time I try I get kicked in the guts again! How are you suppose to accept that.. " no this hasn't worked" or "here is another medication", smile and move on without having just a little bit of sadness or hatred for yourself.

Things aren't what I imagined them to be. I guess no one realises until they try and do something and no matter how hard you try it just isn't right, isn't good enough or your body is just no accepting or responding to it.

Ever since we lost our bub.. I have been feeling like its a never ending spiral that I am in and its nothing but bad or unwanted news. People say focus, relax, stay positive, move forward... I want to, I really do but how do you STAY focused and positive cause I cant seem to.

My husband and I were talking last night as I went into bed early, so he came in and we started talking about things.. I said to him that I cant believe that it has been 10 months since we started TTC! never have I ever thought it was going to take this long! He was saying all the right things... I really don't know how he can stay so positive. Sometimes I think to myself that he isn't feeling what I am feeling but I think he has to be strong for me as I am weak.. well I feeling weak today, I'm just having a bad day today and I'm sorry to be so up and down on my blog. I just need to get it out and have a little cry to make myself feel better.

To make things even better (NOT) I woke up with diarrhea (sorry TMI) from the Metformin that my FS prescribed - its a side effect that he warned me about and haven't been feeling to crash hot today either! Just want you want when you are at work! Yuk!

How do you ladies stay so focused and positive, I'm finding it hard at the moment so please if you can help me out I would appreciate it.

FS appointment (cd16)

2011-10-17T16:10:00.001+10:00

This morning was my specialist appointment. I was so nervous for some reason and also my mind has been doing crazy things to me lately because.... can you believe that I completely forgot how to get there?!!! I had to call my husband to give me directions! Haha. Now I've been there quite a few times before and also driven past the clinic a million times but I couldn't remember how to get there.. Luckily I left more then enough time to get to the clinic so once hubby told me which road to get on I made it here with 2 mins to spare... Of course all my panic and stressing that I was
going to be late was all for
nothing as he is running behind anyway so I sat in the waiting room for 45mins Haha.

Down to the appointment.. Was is good or was it bad?
Well is was...... Bad, upsetting and devastating :(

My follicles still haven't changed in size since my ultrasound the other day and apparently they aren't suppose to look like a bunch of grapes like they do (see pic in previous post) with this and also the fact that I didn't have a period, only spotting, had irregular periods before hand.. he said that he believes I am borderline PCOS!... WTF? How can this be?! He is a little baffled by this himself as my ultrasound when I had my miscarriage didn't show any evidence or indication of PCOS but the symptoms now are there unfortunately.

I have to have a blood test on cd21 to check if I have/did ovulate but looking at my ovaries today and using OPKs for the past week with only negative results he thinks there is little chance that I will this month. They just aren't big enough and aren't responding to the clomid like they should :(

I'm also starting on metformin today.. I've never take it before so I'm not sure how my body will react. I'm quite upset about this.. Why can't anything go well for me? I just don't understand what I did wrong to deserve such a long and painful process!

I guess I'll have to wait till the blood test in a few days, keep taking my new drug and call my FS to see what my results are!... *sigh*... today is not a good day! :(

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

My Ovaries look like grapes! CD12

2011-10-13T10:59:00.006+10:00

So this morning I had my scan. I was nervous - as I work in Radiology I was nervous that a colleague was going to looking at my "parts" haha I had to have an internal scan for my FS to check my Follicles and my Endometrium thickness. It was the same sonographer that scanned me when I lost bub :( she is great and I trust her totally but I was still nervous.

Anyway down to the scan! On the screen - and you can see from the photos I posted my ovaries were massive compared to normal. They also measured bigger then normal as well. That of course is from all the follicles that are growing from the Clomid!!

There is a lot more on my left side, which was the side I felt more cramps and pains on while on the clomid so I wasn't surprised that there was much larger ones on that side.

My Endometrial thickness is 8mm - Not sure if that is normal pre-ovulation?! I didn't ask! The only thing that I was a little concerned about was that I have fluid in my Endometrial Canal which isn't normally suppose to be there but our Radiologist who reported my Ultrasound didn't seem to concerned and just said that I may have a small amount of spotting of fluid (which I did yesterday but I thought is was EWCM!?!?! but it could have been that?) I will wait though to chat to my FS in a few days before I look into it to much. He is the expert.. not google!! haha

My largest follicle was on the left side (of course it was!haha) well there is two large ones measuring approximately 13mm on that side. I was told from my FS that they need to be greater then 18mm for ovulation so I'm not quite there yet but hopefully they will get there soon!

Please let this work for me this month!! Come on follicles.. grow little ones, grow!!

(Look at all my potential babies below!!! hehe)

cd10 + hello new followers

2011-10-11T18:05:00.005+10:00

Well I finished up my Clomid 2 days ago now... I'm officially drug free hahaha.. (except my vitamins)
I'm feeling ok, a little niggling cramps here and there both nothing at all like I expected and worked myself up for it to be.
I'm having my Ultrasound in 2 days.. I wasn't going to post until after the Ultrasound but hubby is still working and I like to catch up on reading the blogs I'm following when I'm having a bit of "me" time haha so I thought I would write a little post as well.

I have to say that I am pretty excited about my Ultrasound - how sad is that!! Its just to check my follicles for god sake.. but... I am, I guess its because I want to see if they are growing and if I will ovulate soon. I'm also feeling so much better at the moment... I cant explain it. I feel like I am able to move on and be happy again, I'm scared but I'm excited at the same time and counting down to cd12 so I can see whats happening!

I also thought I would take this time to say hello to my new followers!! HI!!
Ive noticed over the past week I have had gained a few more followers to my blog and I just wanted to say thank you and thank you for your comments, its nice to know that my blog is still a little interesting and people enjoy following me.. I love your comments and I also have found a few new blogs to follow myself.. which are great!!

Also to my regular followers thanks for all your support, as always it means a lot to have you helping and supporting me through everything. You ladies all rock! <3

CD 7

2011-10-08T09:18:00.004+10:00

Today is cd7 ( If that's what you start with classing 3 days of spotting as a AF) in which case my FS is. Started my clomid on the cd3 as he didn't think they would get any heavier (and they didnt) anyway so I started having some symptoms from the clomid last night. For the first few days on it I had nothing but last night ...wow let me tell you. I was having hot flushes ALL night. Woke up through the night with a massive headache, had niggling aches and twitching in my ovaries or something- particularly on my left side and this one that I'm not sure is a symptom - I had some tingling "down there" pretty much all night! The strangest feeling which I can't really explain. So I'm not sure what that means.. But I'm hoping they are all good signs :) and really looking forward to my ultrasound on cd12 to check my follicles!!
I'm pretty exciting that something must be working or going on "down there" I was alittle put off by AF not showing up that good but I'm going to look forward and hope and pray that the clomid will help me this month.

On a non-TTC note, it was my mine and my hubbies 3rd year wedding anniversary on Tuesday so we are going out to dinner tonight - he won't tell me where or what suprise he said he has for me so I'm looking forward to finding out!

Hope you all have a great weekend! x

I WILL get my baby bump!!

2011-10-06T18:53:00.001+10:00

And this is what I'm going to do!

1) I'm going to be positive.
2) Stop stressing and worrying.
3) STOP going on google for every little thing.
4) I will be positive that my first round of clomid IS going to work.
5) I'm going to be happy.
6) I'm going to stop question everything or myself.
10) Stop saying "but what if" all the time.
11) My MC took me to hell and back but I'm more determined and won't let that worry stand in my way.
12) I will stop thinking to much and reading onto things.
13) I will stop comparing myself to everyone else.
14) I will stop telling my husband that his wife is broken.

Because... this is now my time!!

I will get my baby bump and I going to love it and embrace it!!!

Ahh wow not sure where that came from but I feels so much better! :)

What negatives are you all throwing out while TTC??

Update - Finished Provera

2011-10-04T14:00:00.000+10:00

Just thought I would give you all an update.
So I finished my Provera 5 days ago. Yesterday I then started to have some brown spotting (sorry TMI) I had absolutely no AF pain or anything and thought I would wait until today to see if AF comes on but there is still nothing besides brown spotting. So I phoned my specialist this morning as I wasn't sure whether to count this brown spotting as day 1.

Anyway my Specialist rooms just phoned me back after talking to my Doctor and he said to start my Clomid tomorrow and not to be to concerned about the brown spotting. I have also booked in on Monday 17th to see him and to get a Ultrasound to check my follicles.

I know my Doctor said its normal but after A LOT of people saying that my AF after taking Provera may be very heavy and painful it is the total opposite and I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing. I know that brown spotting is classed as "old blood" but I'm wondering why there is hardly any and it isn't a normal heavy period?!

So that's where I'm at, at the moment..

UPDATE:
Ok so doing some calculations from the instructions my Obs had posted out to me. The nurse has booked me in for the wrong day!! I need to see him on day CD10-12 for my scan. So what Ive done is called them back and I'm now going to wait a few more days to see if AF arrives properly if it does then count that as CD1 and start Clomid on hopefully Friday (its Tuesday today) that will then put me in that CD10-12 bracket when seeing him. Oh this is SOOO confusing!!!

Provera + Clomid = Baby? ( I hope so)

2011-09-27T17:51:00.005+10:00

Its been 5 days already since I started Provera. I have 2 more days and then HOPEFULLY AF will finally arrive... Ive waited 11 long weeks for her so she better!! Ive been feeling OK on Provera, I had a few crampy AF type pains on day 2 and 3 and this morning I woke up feeling like I had morning sickness all over again - not sure if that's normal but I'm feel good at the moment so I'm hoping whatever its doing its working.

I received my prescription yesterday in the mail for Clomid and my Specialist also had instructions typed out on what to do.. I had to laugh though when I read it out. It just sounds so easy!!
It had certain days on when to start taking Clomid, when to call my Specialist rooms to book in for an Ultrasound, best time to book for the Ultrasound, Best time to have a blood test to check my Progesterone levels to see if I ovulated, Then when to take a pregnancy test!

I REALLY hope that it is as easy as that ha ha!! How good would that be!!??

I'm actually feeling alot better and sort of getting excited - although slightly nervous. I was talking to hubby last night and said " but what if..." he cut me off and said " AH, no babe, we need to think positive" ha ha he is too funny.

I think this is helping me finally move on.. I just hope I'm not disappointed!

Nothing is IMPOSSIBLE

2011-09-23T19:23:00.003+10:00

After chatting to my hubby last night and also a friend of mine that was on Provera and Clomid before she fell pregnant. I woke up this morning and thought to myself "OK... I going to stop being such a negative Nancy, over analysing everything and worrying to much about things and start thinking positive"!!!!

I am going to accept that this is what is suppose to happen in my life and I just need to learn how to embrace it and think of it as a positive thing.

So please if I start saying negative things PLEASE send me a virtual slap and tell me to wake up to myself!! :) hahaha

So I took my first Provera today and the count down is on for Miss AF!!!!!

I love quotes and I thought that this one was perfect for me.

when it rains it pours

2011-09-22T18:23:00.004+10:00

I got a call this afternoon from my Obs - "It doesn't look really good unfortunately" were his words. My hormone levels from my last blood test on Wednesday are still very low - actually lower then the ones before.
He said he wants me to take Provera for 7 days which will bring on AF, then on day 3 of my period he wants me to start the Clomid, once I have finished the 5 day course of that he wants me to see him

I'm devastated..... I don't know what to think. I never ever thought that I would have to take medication to help me have a baby.. What is going on?!!

He is posting me out some information on the Clomid as well as a script, I already have a script for Provera and he wants me to start taking that tomorrow.

Clomid seems to have some side affects which I am concerned about but I have a girlfriend who has both her babies - who also had to take Clomid so I think I will has a chat to her about her experiences with it. I know she has said to me that she has also had a few losses in between her 2 babies and I think that also scares me.

I know I need to think positive but I find it a little after my miscarriage... I am going to try my hardest though to think positive and clear my head or any negativity. I just hope that this is the right thing to do for my body.

Hubby and I are going to have a big chat tonight about it all, I want to know how he is feeling as well. He sounded abit shocked on the phone when I told him what my Obs has advised me to do.

Like my dad said when I told him.. " you know what they say, when it rains it pours" ....its so true!

update on blood since last post

2011-09-15T12:06:00.004+10:00

Well... he just called me! I just got off the phone to him and my levels are rising slowly and he was sorry that its taken him so long to get back to me. He also said that he is very sorry to have to drag this out but he wants me to have ANOTHER blood test next week. He is also posting me out a form for Clomid. he is predicting that I will ovulate on my own as my levels are rising athough they arent rising to quickly - with this next blood test he will be able to see if I will ovulate on my own and my levels rise even more, if not he will get me to take Clomid for 10 days and then stop and I will get AF.
It is such a drag on but I would prefer my body to do it to without the medication so I guess I have to get another blood test done and wait another week :(

I guess im in limbo for another week or so!

Thanks "M", Ann, E and R for your comments, means alot xx
and my husband also said the same thing that the lady at the doctors office should have been more supportive and sensitive so im glad that I wasnt thinking that it was just me.

Sensative

2011-09-15T10:19:00.004+10:00

Well this morning has been great so far.... NOT. I woke up - well didn't really sleep well all night so I'm not sure if you would say I woke up as I was already semi awake. Got to work feeling like death and still hadn't heard anything from my Obs so I thought I would give them a call this morning. I got a mouth full from the Receptionist or Nurse (whoever answered the phone) to say that my Obs has my message from the other day to call me back, Hes been busy and had lots of call in C-Sections. Now I totally understand he may be busy but there is no need to speak rudely to me, like I am nothing!!
I told her not to bother getting him to call and I said I will keep my Monday appointment and talk to him then. I hung up the phone and just teared up. I text my hubby to tell him how rude she had spoken to me and he wanted to call them. I said no. - I am pretty sensitive at the moment and it may have just been that I don't know. It wasnt what she said, it was they way she said it. Very snappy and short with me.
So looks like I wont find out now until I see him Monday.

I decided to join a group called Teddy Love Club its a miscarrage support site , I had to submit my story to be excepted into the message boards to avoid fake people joining or something.... so I'm just waiting on approval. I don't know if it will make me feel better. I just so want to move on but I cant until AF comes. ( 9 weeks feels like a life time!) Ive been pretty down lately and I don't really talk about it much as I don't want people to think... "oh here's the sad sack again!!" I really don't know what else to do to make me feel better. I think once AF arrives then I will start to feel like I'm back on tract and things are moving on. Until then I feel like I could curl up in a ball and just stay there forever.

Blood test results - Can anyone help?

2011-09-13T20:29:00.004+10:00

Firstly - THANK YOU all for the supportive comments in my last post.. It really means alot and this is why I blog because you are all so supportive and it does really make me feel better! I am feeling a little better this week so thats a good thing!

Now I got my second lot of bloods done and I'm waiting for my Specialist to call me ( he was busy all day today in theatre, so looks like I have to wait until tomorrow before he calls me.. fingers crossed he does)
I'm so eager to find out whats going on.... 9 weeks post M/C and still no sign of AF, I want to move on but cant seem to until they arrive. So I thought I would give it a go and see if anyone knows what my hormone levels mean. I have a copy of both my results and the levels have changed, I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing so I'm just wondering if anyone knows what your levels need to be for your Progesterone and Oestradiol to get AF?

Here are the results:

Ist lot of bloods:
August 24th

Follicle Stimulating Hormone: 6 U/L
Luteinizing Hormone: 6 U/L

Oestradiol: 190 pmol/L
Progesterone: <0.5 nmol/L

2nd lot of bloods:
September 12th

Follicle Stimulating Hormone: 11 U/L
Luteinizing Hormone: 18 U/L

Oestradiol: 140 pmol/L
Progesterone: 1 nmol/L

To me my Progesterone seems VERY low but I'm not sure.. maybe its suppose to be compared to my Oestradiol level.

Feeling lost...

2011-09-06T16:08:00.004+10:00

Ive been feeling quite lost the past few weeks.. I thought that visiting my friends and family would have helped - I actually got back yesterday, I had a lot of fun while there but i just cant shake this feeling and its probably made it worse somehow.

As you all know, my hubby and I became VERY close after my M/C even more closer then ever before. Now things have totally flipped. I snap at him as soon as I wake up, I want him to leave me alone, I don't want him to touch me, I don't text him much though the day anymore and I hate some of the little things that he does - that hes always done but never bothered me.

I feel like I need to focus on me now but I don't know what it is I want. I'm not happy within myself anymore. Is this just a phase? will this go away? its been about 2 weeks since I have really felt like this. I just feel like I want to be alone.

My hubby keeps asking me whats wrong.. I answer with "Nothings wrong" and sometimes " I don't know" I don't have an answer because I just don't understand why I am feeling like this when we were so perfectly close after my M/C. I love my husband so much and I do want a family with him, I keep thinking its my hormones as I am at 8 weeks post M/C and still no AF.. maybe my frustration with that is making me taking it out on him. I dont know but I hope that I can find myself again. :(

Im sorry for the sad depressing post.

want to apologize...

2011-08-31T14:36:00.001+10:00

I received a comment today on an older post and after re-reading my post I can see why they may have been a little upset and taken it the wrong way.... I dont want to make a big deal about it but I wanted to post to apologize and also say that I hope that I haven't offended anyone else.

In my post - replying to a question from another blogger, there was mention about me seeing a Private Obstetrician and I said that they look after you better in private... well I certainly wasn't trying to say bad things about the public system or trying to make anyone feel bad that use the Public System, but here is Australia I realised after my M/C they don't offer you the choice to have Genetic testing done on your first miscarriage if you are a public patient, unless you really push for it - and anyone new to pregnancy and new to the whole miscarriage thing wouldn't know to push for it.. I didn't even know they do that until my Obs asked if I wanted it done.

I was trying to say in that post that I am glad that I was private at "that time" and in that instance they did look after me better then what I would have been looked after if I was in the Public System as I found out what was wrong with my baby and why this happened to me.

I apologise to anyone else that may have felt offended or upset by taking my words the wrong way, It wasn't intended to come across like that and if I did upset anyone else please let me know and I will send a personal apology.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with the public system and I have many friends and family that use the public system and I've actually worked in a Public Hospital and have no issue in regards to it but I was just trying to say that at that time I was very grateful that I was private.

I will try and be careful from now on, on how I word my posts as I never ever mean to come across the way that, that post obviously has.

I'm thankful for your comment and I wasn't sure how else to acknowledge it without posting.

Bloods Results are back

2011-08-31T11:35:00.000+10:00

Just heard from My Obs, he had the results already of my bloods from yesterday morning ( how quick was that!!) He said its not bad but its not good either and what he wants me to do is to be patent and get my bloods done again in another 2 weeks and if they are the same levels as they are now and haven't increased then I will have to book in, see him and I may have to go on a drug called Clomid.

So I guess ill just have to wait and see what happens.

Can anyone give me any personal advise about Clomid, are there any side effects? I hope I don't have to be put on it but if its going to help then I'm happy to do it.

Im still alive...

2011-08-30T18:19:00.002+10:00

Yes.. I feel like I haven’t been on here much but I don’t really have anything exciting to post. I had a blood test today as I’m still waiting on AF - I’m so sick of saying that, and I’m sure you all are sick of hearing it!! haha
I am calling my Obs tomorrow afternoon to get the results which will tell me my Hormone levels and something else he is testing. Hopefully that will give me some answers and maybe he will give me something to bring on AF?! I’m not really sure how it works.

I don’t really have much else to write about really... sorry I’m so boring but it seems like I’m in limbo at the moment and can’t do anything until my cycle gets back on tract.
I am however going interstate on Thursday night with hubby for a long weekend to see my family and close friends so I’m looking forward to seeing them all and also it worked out perfectly as it is father’s day on the Sunday so i will get to spend father’s day for the first time in 5 years with my daddy! :)

Well I’m off to catch up and read some blogs.. I hate getting to behind on reading them!! hehe

Virtual Hugger Award!!

2011-08-26T18:10:00.005+10:00

I recently was given a Virtual Hugger Award from Sarah at Sarah & Brett & Our Baby Boy Thank you so much Sarah!! Sarah is currently 28 weeks pregnant and I suggest you head over and start following her blog, her blog is one of my favorites and its great to keep updated on her pregnancy!

Now The rules of this award are to:

1. Thank the person who gave it to you and link back
2. Give 3 reasons why you LOVE comments and want them to keep coming.
3. Award your top comment's and tell them why they won the award.

1. I love comments from people because it helps me realise that im not talking to myself, people are actually reading my blog (thank you by the way) and I'm not alone.

2. It helps me to realise that other people have also experienced some of the things that have happened to me and makes me feel better when they share some advise and even just a positive thought.

3. They make me feel special :) hehe

My top commenter's are:
1. Bun(less) in the oven
2. Praying for a little Mircle
3. Wishing and hoping and thinking and praying
4. Dreaming of babies
5. Aspiring mom to be

These ladies are regulars to my blog and I just want to say a big thank you to you all for the support and comments you have left me. I also enjoy each and every one of your blogs as well! xxx HUGS xxx

Personally made for me..

2011-08-22T09:38:00.003+10:00

I finally received a picture last night from the lady making my necklace... although there is a little birth stone that is missing from the picture which will be on there once she posts it out to me, I think it looks great.
What do you think?

I'm healing well from my wisdom teeth and can finally laugh and eat normally, I'm going back on Wednesday's to get my stitches out though which I hope wont hurt.. eeww!!

I still haven't gotten AF.. (man game is so annoying!! lets move on already!!)

I just called my Obs as he wanted me to call him if they hadn't arrive over the weekend but I'm waiting for a call back from him to see what he wants me to do. He did say something about a blood test but I guess I will jut have to try and be patient and wait for them to arrive.

Jinxed Myself..

2011-08-17T15:06:00.003+10:00

I said I would be OK to go to work after getting my 2 wisdom teeth out yesterday... Even said to my girlfriend "yeah ill be right to do a Yoga class this arvo" (theres me thinking positive again!) haha
Hmmm well I went and was feel pretty good until about 1030am when I started to go down hill fast so I came home and went straight to bed... I had the best 3 hour nap though that I have had in a long time it was fantastic haha and I am feeling alittle better now - actually trying to eat an apple (have been for the past hour) that is cut up into small tiny pieces and I am finding it hard because I cant open my mouth very wide or chew! haha... poor me :(

Anyway enough about teeth..
I'm feeling so much better since seeing my Obs. He has really helped me in moving on. So I am going to take it as it just wasnt the right time. My baby wasnt strong enough to come to me but one day she or he will be and I am trying to focus on the positives. I WILL HAVE MY BABY!!! - Healthy, happy and oh so cute!

"M" here is the answer to your question:

I was going to have my baby privately through a private Obs specialist not through the public health system, I pay my Obs fees every time i see him and would of had to pay him a fee to deliver my baby also - they look after you better if you go private. If I went through the public system I basically would get everything for free but the service isn't the greatest (I'm not sure what its like there?!) when I went to have my D&C my Obs gave me the option if I wanted that done - however, it was going to cost me and my hubby $500. I didn't care and just wanted it done to hopefully find out what caused my M/C.

I have had a few other people say the same thing to me, that it was strange that they offered being that it was my first but I soon realised that these ladies that were never offered went through the public system and if I went through the public health system this option would never of been offered to me, so I am glad that I went privately and i believe it was $500 well spent. ( which of course my private health insurance will help cover)

I hope that helps and isn't to confusing haha.

Genetic Test results..

2011-08-16T15:39:00.011+10:00

So this morning I was very nervous.. 1 because I was going to see my Obs for my pathology results and 2 I was getting 2 wisdom teeth out!!

I woke up early to get ready to see my Obs first, I arrived with hubby and I sat in the waiting room worried and stressed... finally we went in and my Obs asked how I was feeling, how was my pain and bleeding after the D&C and if I had any questions... after answering his questions my first questions was my pathology results?? he went to his printer and said here is a copy for you, we were able to detect a problem in the chromosomes and it came back as " Turners Syndrome" he went into detail about the Syndrome but for those who aren't familiar here is basically what Turner Syndrome" is

Turner's syndrome is usually not inherited and it is fairly common. It happens when a fetus is missing a part of or a whole X chromosome. Normal babies / people have 46 chromosomes but my baby only had 45 - missing the other X chromosome. Most cases result from a mistake in sperm or egg production. (Usually sperm but that hasn't been confirmed medically apparently)
Turner's syndrome is actually pretty common about 10-15% of all miscarriages may be due to Turner's syndrome.

My Obs said that there isn't anything different that we should do, however there has been talk that the vitamin Menevit can help as it helps sperm quality. ( I got hubby on that the other week anyway and he thought I was being silly so I'm glad that the Specialist mentioned it and said it may help)

He said many people go on to have healthy babies and pregnancies and to try not to let this worry us. It is a case of "something just went wrong" and nothing that we could have done or did do to make this happen.

He is happy for us to try again whenever we feel ready.. he said the most important thing is to make sure we are emotionally ready. He did however say to call him at the end of next week if I hadn't got AF by then as that would be over 6 weeks since the D&C he will send me for some blood tests to see whats happening.

When we do fall pregnant again he said to contact him straight away and he will start seeing me from 7 weeks instead of 12 and more frequently then normal just to reassure me that everything is ok - as I told him that I am terrified that it will happen again. That was a great gesture and I am very pleased by the way he has helped me and my husband.

So by the end of the appointment I happy to find out that it wasn't something that we did and I'm glad we got some kind of results to tell us what happend!!

I am however a little upset to find out that it was a little girl (only girls can get this problem) - Ive always wanted a little girl, I don't have a relationship with my mum and I always said that I would love to have a little girl that I could have that mother daughter bond with that I never had with her :( I'm sure I will get my baby girl one day but I'm just sad to know that this one could have been her.

Here is a copy of my Genetics Test:

PS: Also my 2 wisdom teeth are out and I'm am in a fair bit of pain. They had a problem getting one out so they had to cut through the bone to remove it.. (Ouch!!!) now I have stitches and spitting lots of blood. (sorry TMI). I'm suppose to be going to work tomorrow and I really hope I am feeling better then i do now!! Lucky I don't have to talk to much tomorrow to anyone hehe!

TGIF (Thank god its friday)

2011-08-12T18:24:00.004+10:00

I'm so glad its Friday today.. although my week hasn't been to bad at work, I'm just glad the weekend is here and it now means that my follow up appointment is almost here - which I cant wait to go to.
Oh also just after my last post about not haven't any symptoms of AF arriving.......... well that night and the next day I got horrible cramps and period pains. I was so sure that AF was finally going to arrive but today and yesterday the pain had stopped. So I was wrong!!.......... For god sake I just wish they would come already so I can move on!!

I'm doing fine other then that. I have started to run quite a bit on the treadmill at home the past few weeks and its actually making me feel really good for some reason. I think maybe it just helping me focus on something else or maybe its just making me feel good about myself again.. I don't know but as long as it helps ill keep doing it..

My Acupuncturist called me again and left another message.. I still haven't called her back, I know I should but for some reason I just don't want to do it again and maybe I should but I'm still really confused about whether it will help me or not.

Questions for my OBs

2011-08-09T10:55:00.004+10:00

Firstly.. I've noticed I have gained a few followers over the last few days.. Welcome and I hope I dont bore you to much! :)

Well still no sign of AF yet.. I was really sure this week was going to be the week. Although its only Tuesday today so we will see how the rest of the week goes. I don't seem to have any symptoms yet of it arriving. I was really hoping that it would as I would have preferred to have it done and dusted before my 5 week Obs appointment next Tuesday.

Can you believe its been almost 5 weeks!!!? how time flys :(

I have a few questions I want to ask George (My OBs) but if anyone would like to help me out with any other questions they think I should also ask him after my D&C and before TTC again that would be great.

Here are the questions I have written down so far... Please tell me if they are silly!

What are my Pathology result from the D&C? (I'm sure he will tell me anyway)

Depending on what my Pathology results - do you think I will be able to TTC next month?

I had really bad cramps when I ovulated after my D&C is that normal?

Should my hubby and I have our blood screened before trying again?

Can I be referred for extra HCG tests and Ultrasounds once I do conceive again.

Is there anything I can do this time to help prevent another miscarriage?

Ive read there is a 5% chance to miscarry between 6-12 weeks (Less if you heard a heart beat) and a 10-13% chance of having another miscarriage in a 2nd pregnancy if you experienced a M/C with your 1st pregnancy.
As I was in that 5% - or even less as I heard my babies heart beat at 8 weeks! Does that mean that my chances of miscarriage are now at at higher risk because I was under the impression that ladies have a less chance of miscarriage if they have had only the one?

(This has just freaked me out a little!!!)

Thank you

2011-08-06T18:51:00.004+10:00

Thanks so much ladies for your lovely comments... in my last post.. It so great to be able to express myself on here and you are all so supportive and kind.

Some of you mentioned about me waiting a few cycles.... My Obs said after he did my D&C that I would have to wait just one cycle and then he believes I would be totally fine to try again but I am going to wait to chat to him again anyway at my next visit as I want to get my Pathology results of the D&C and talk to him regarding a few other things.

Im missing my husband terribly at the moment. He went away on Thursday night with his business partner to some car thing (hes a mechanic) and he is back late tomorrow (sunday) night. Ive had a pretty crappy weekend so far.. couldnt sleep last night and was awake till 230am and with that I sleep most of today! haha. Hopefully tomorrow is a much better day!

Also everyone keeps telling me that I have lost weight when they see me and I dont know why?!! I even weighed myself the other day cause so many people have said it to me and I have actually put on 1.5kgs!! Eeekk!!
I have just started going on the treadmill at home the last days or so because I am feeling fat and yuck.. but its just strange that everyone I havent seen for a few weeks is telling me I look like Ive lost weight!! Whats with that??! haha.

I hope you all after having a great weekend! x

I want....

2011-08-05T23:13:00.006+10:00

I really want a baby... I want to try again, I am scared but I think I am ready to start next month?!

I don't really know what to do but I have been feeling like I really want to try again. I'm scared that its to soon but how do you know when the right time is after a M/C? I guess its normal to be scared and worried but I do feel stronger somehow and supported that I can do it...

I do tend to have this little voice in my head though that says.. "yes do it".. then another one that says... "no you cant" which just confuses me.

My husband is happy to try as soon as I am ready, he doesn't know that I feel this way yet as I want to be 100% on how I feel and also wait to see my Obs in less then 2 weeks for my check up before I tell him. So I have told him nothing about me feeling like I do, wanting to try sooner rather then later... I know he will be happy but I want to make sure its the right time..

I wish I just knew everything was going to be OK next time and that I will have my baby to hold and love, to wake up smiling to every morning, to kiss their tiny feet and enjoy every second of each moment that I spend with them..... I just wish I knew it was going to be alright.. it would make me feel so much better!

Is it too soon? Am I ready? Is my body ready?

Change....

2011-08-03T17:51:00.003+10:00

Hello... Just thought Id let you all know I'm still here and feeling much better since Saturday night. ---- it was the wine I tell ya!!! Never drinking again.. for some reason I thought it may had made me feel a little better to have a glass with the girls but that was a big mistake.

I am still waiting for AF to arrive since my D&C.. I'm predicting sometime at the end of next week (lets see if I'm correct!) Other then that I have been doing fine, no more tears since Saturday night, oh and on Sunday we had to pick up a lay by that I did for a few baby things that were on sale while I was pregnant. I thought that would trigger something off but it didn't...(thank god)
It made me feel a little sad but I also felt happy because it made me feel like one day I will be able to use these cute things.. and come on.... ALL baby things are cute! he he..
I know I jumped in to early to purchase things, it wasn't much but I was excited and well who thinks they are going to have a M/C with their first pregnancy??!! I know I will definitely be doing a few things differently next time that's for sure..

Here are some of the things I would/am changing:

Not to do the Acupuncture this time.. I'm not sure why I just don't want to.

Ive decided to not chart either like I did last time, I said to hubby - who wants to try again right know! that I just want it to happen when its suppose to happen, sometimes I think when I charted last time.... I sort of "made" it happen and obviously it wasn't the right time so I think once we do decide to try again I am just going to let it happen when its suppose to happen - if that makes sense. ( who knows ill probably get very impatient and start charting again! ha ha)

For some strange reason I keep telling myself that I wont get attached next time until I know that its REALLY going to happen and that this baby is going to stay with me forever.

I'm not going to take the millions of tablets my Acupuncturist gave me last time - I am currently and going to take Elevit like I did when I first met her and she told me to stop and take other vitamins she prescribed.. - thinking back now the vitamins she was giving me didn't have any folic acid in them and even though I was taken Elevit for a few months before seeing her I think folic acid is an important part and it may not be anything big but thinking of it now I am pretty upset with myself. So I'm going to stick with that.

What are somethings that you changed before you TTC again or became pregnant after your M/C?

Broke down

2011-07-31T11:28:00.001+10:00

Last night we went to close friends for dinner an a few drinks. They knew about us losing the baby and were very supportive and there for us when it happened. There also was another couple there that didn't know about it, this couple is friends of ours too but we aren't as close and we didn't tell them that we were even pregnant.
So the night was going a long great and I thought I'd have a glass of wine with dinner "I'm not TTC and it's been so long time since I had a drink so why not". dinner was yum and then us 3 girls went into the kitchen to chat whole the guys went and watched the football on tv.

We were talking about all sorts of things and then my friend (the one that knows) started talking about her house that is starting to get built very shortly.. The next thing I know a few wines later and the conversation between the 3 of us was about houses, growing up, kids, family etc etc. Something happened (I guess it just got a bit much for me and having a few wines didn't help either) I started to get teary, my friend ( the one that knows) decided to change the subject cause she could see I was getting upset. I excused myself and went to the bathroom... Where I just sobbed for a good 5 mins. I thought that would have made me feel better so then I went back out and we were having small chit chat about nothing important. I looked up at my friend and she said "are you ok?" without saying it so my other friend would hear. I replied "yes" (but I wasn't fine) I turned to my other friend who is probably thinking "what the heck is she crying for" and I apologize for getting upset she said "oh don't be sorry at all it's totally fine" I was going to tell her why I was so upset but she said "you don't have to explain yourself, it's ok".

Anyway so the conversation about nothing now continued and even though we weren't talking about kids, family etc I was still aching inside, whether I had to much to wine to trigger it off or what, i don't know. My eyes started to fill up again but I was trying to hold it together. my friend then went and got my hubby without me realizing and he came out and said "are you ready to go babe?" I said yes. (by this stage it was 1am anyway)
We said goodbye, thanks for dinner and my friend gave me a big hug. Again I apologized to my other friend for getting upset and said goodbye.
Hubby and I got in our car and he gave me a big hug.. That was it.. I broke down really badly, I cried and cried and cried until I couldn't
see anymore or even talk. It was really bad. I also felt so embarrassed that I had teared up at my friends house... Why couldn't I control it!!

Once I calmed down and hubby was driving I text my friend apologizing again and told her to say sorry to my other friend and said that she could tell her why I was upset so she wouldn't think I'm some strange emotional person for no reason.

I got a text off them both soon after and my friend that didn't know - but does now. She said she was very sorry, apologized and said it was insensitive that they spoke about what we did. Im not upset they spoke about things like that. I would have been fine except i had one to many wines. I don't want people to avoid those conversations just because of me..

I'm still feeling a little upset this morning, I thought I was doing ok but I think I'm going to have good and bad days.. That was certainly a very bad day! :(

Today

2011-07-28T14:26:00.004+10:00

I am having a lots of pains and cramping this morning which started last night. I am bloated as well :(

I normally get these pains/cramps when AF is right around the corner and I was a little worried as its only been 2 weeks. I did however have a very quick recovery from the D&C so either I'm having very delayed pains after the D&C, AF is coming earlier then i thought, or maybe I am ovulating?! Obviously we aren't trying as I am not ready to do that just yet and i am still waiting to see my Obs for a check up but it would be nice to know whats happening and find out what cycle my body is up to so maybe Ill take a OPK when I get home just so I know if I am or not..

I also got a phone call from my Acupuncturist as I left a message on her phone when it all happened to cancel my appointments. As I am at work and couldn't answer my mobile so she left a message... I'm really torn and don't know if I should continue with Acupuncture like she recommends. Sometimes I just think maybe did it contribute to the M/C?!
I'm sure it didn't and I have heard great things about Fertility Acupuncture that's why I started getting it done in the first place but I really don't know what to do, has anyone had Acupuncture before a M/C and continued with it to conceive a health baby?

***************************Update ***************************
I just took a OPK and I got a very strong positive on the Ovulation - So I presume AF will arrive in the next 2 weeks or so! I never had any aches like this in the past with Ovulation - although I only Ovulated once since coming off the pill then we conceived!
I'm going to make sure I am no way near hubby the next few days - Or for the next week for that matter!! lol... I just don't want to go there right now.. I'm just not ready to try again.

I am happy to know though that my body seems to be getting back to "normal" and glad that I AM actually ovulating.

1st day back at work since M/C

2011-07-26T10:36:00.002+10:00

So yesterday was my first day back at work since my M/C. I was a little scared to go back as it was there i found out I had lost our baby. Not everyone knew about it but they knew something was wrong as I left suddenly that day in tears.

My day was pretty good to say the least. A few people that knew what happened just asked how I was and didn't mention it again... I'm glad they didn't, I didn't want to talk about it at work because I would have started to tear up.

When my boss arrived he gave me a hug - image the best boss and double it.. he has always been a special person to me and knows me so well. He is a doctor so we had a little chat about things and yep he made me cry but I held it together so no one else could see my pain. It was really good to talk to him and I really like it when people explain things to me in detail and he is great at doing that.. I guess could he is a doctor/friend/boss I feel i can ask him anything.

He said that he had a look at my Ultrasound while I was away and he said that bub had A LOT of oedema (fluid) around and in it. He said that hopefully the pathology will tell me more once I see my Obs.

So he said that its happened for a reason and even though its hard try not to think of the "what ifs" because unfortunately there would never of been any "what ifs" In some ways this makes me feel a little better., I still HATE and still think "why did it happen to ME?" but again he said that it is SO common for ladies to have miscarriages and after it happening to me I am finding that more and more ladies have gone through the same thing.

I certainly feel stronger in myself and it has brought my hubby and I even closer so maybe it did happen for a reason? maybe it did happen to make me stronger and bring my hubby and I closer together? Maybe it just wasnt the right time for us?

I guess I wont know but its obviously happened for some reason!??!!

Not sure what to title this....

2011-07-23T10:50:00.005+10:00

I am feeling so much better these last few days for some reason, I think its mainly because I have been trying to focus on the positives and although I will never forget what happened and I think about our baby we lost every minute of the day, I am feeling more understanding as to maybe why it happened...

I have been doing a LOT of reading of blogs, articles and talking to other people about this subject since this has happened to me and although I really hate that it happened to ME I believe that my baby will return to me once I have created a healthy fetus for it to grow and it is the right time for both of us - Does that sound silly??

Sometimes I feel a little guilty that I am still not sobbing the whole day or not moving off the couch as it has only been only almost 2 weeks.. Is that bad that I am starting to get on with things so quickly? My hubby said that its not - that although we will never forget we should be strong and focus on having the little family that we so desperately want.

I'm not sure if me feeling better is due to be very quick recovery from my D&C as I only lightly spotted for the first 3 -4 days afterwards. I had no real bad cramping or pain.
I am also feeling very connected to hubby at the moment, better then ever before really I feel like our relationship is even stronger and I have never heard my husband say "I love you" as much as he has in the last few weeks.

I don't want to try again right now.. I want to wait until AF arrives and I see my Obs again in 5 weeks to hopefully get some results. After then I will see how I feel. I really want a baby but I am so scared this will happen again as most ladies after a m/c.
I want to be positive and calm so I don't put stress on myself. I want to be a mum so badly but I don't want to have to go through what I just went though as it is very painful.

My Obs tells me that there is a very good chance I will go on and have a very healthy pregnancy but I do still worry that this will happen again. How do I get past that feeling?

Is there different things I could do to help ease my stress once I do TTC and get pregnant? eg: would my doc let me have weekly blood tests or Ultrasounds or am I sounding a little crazy for requesting such a thing?

How do I know and what should I do to get my body more healthy this time? Last time I took all the right pre-pregnancy vitamins, I did fertility Acupuncture every week, ate correctly, I don't drink or smoke. ?? that obviously wasn't good enough :(

Sometimes I think maybe I jinxed myself last time, I was always worried when I got to the bathroom and wiped for some strange reason. I also thought.. "hubby had a really bad cold when we conceived was it due to that?", "I ovulated late and it was my first ovulation in 4 months, could it have been that?" I guess I will never know but I want to be super prepared for next time so this doesn't happen..

July ICWL

2011-07-21T17:02:00.004+10:00

Welcome to anyone stopping by for the first time. This is my 3rd time participating in ICLW and to be honest I wasn't going to do it this month as I very recently miscarried with our first pregnancy and still finding it a little hard getting back on my feet, but I am trying to keep myself busy and I always love reading/commenting on new blogs so I thought I would give it another go this month... anything to help pick me up.

My name is Cass and I am 27 years old. I work full time in a Radiology clinic in Australia. My Hubby is 28 and owns his own Business.
We started TCC in Jan 2011 and after learning about charting my temps etc I soon worked out I wasn't ovulating.. My first ovulation wasn't until May and this was then when we conceived our first little bub.
At 9 weeks and 5 days (last Wednesday) we lost our little one and I ended up having a D&C. ( if you read here this will cover more of a story about our Bub).

I am not ready to try again just yet as it is still early days for me. I am however a lot more positive this week and trying to embrace the good stuff despite all the hard stuff that has happened to me of late.

Thank you for stopping by - and please join my blog if you like.

Its always fun to find out a little more about you so here is 3 questions.

1. Whats the biggest lesson you have learnt while TTC?

2. What is your favorite thing to do in your spare time?

3. Do you have a favorite blog that you would recommend?

Happy ICLW week.. I look forward to reading all your blogs and thanks for stopping by. x

One week

2011-07-20T19:11:00.002+10:00

It's been one week today and I managed to get through the day without
crying.. Well I was close to it a few times but didn't brake down. I
decided to try and keep myself busy so I went out and spoilt myself,
got a pedicure and did some shopping for myself!

I also had a nice chat to a good friend of mine which made me feel
alot better... Just the support and kindness of people around me just
amazes me. I really do have some great people in my life and when I
talk about things it seems to help instead of bottling it all up.

I still don't feel myself yet... I'm trying to be positive and in
time im sure I will become that happy, bubbly girl that's everyone
tells me I am.

Hope you all have a good night x

Well this is me..

2011-07-20T10:57:00.003+10:00

So I promised that I would show the "real me" as our close friends and family know what happened to us and frankly I dont think anyone I know would find this unless I tell them. No one I know blogs and alot of you other ladies arent afraid to tell me who you are so here goes.

Name: Cassie but I prefer "Cass"
Age: 27
Location: Australia
Married: 3 years
Hubby: Shane
Age: 28
Together: 11 years ( I know - such a long time!)
Pets: One 4 year old American Staffy who thinks she is a small lap dog! She is very spoilt and is a big part of our family.

Cant think of anything else that you might like to know but if you have any questions.. just ask

Here are some photos...

Early 2012

Friends Wedding 2008

Mya

Christmas 2010

Our Wedding 2008

Seems everything has changed lately...

2011-07-19T18:14:00.004+10:00

Well.. you will see that I have changed my blog name... again!! I hope I don't start confusing everyone with changing the name and sometimes I think I acted to soon changing calling it "Loving my baby bump" but I've learnt my lesson now.

Thank you to the ladies who basically picked this name for me.. I really had no idea what change it too, I wanted to keep alittle bit of the name "baby bump" in it so some bloggers will hopefully know its still me. Thanks again ladies.. I really like the name and I think I'm going to stick with this one for a while!

Today was OK.. I am off this week from work so have been taking it easy. Ive completely stopped spotting and just waiting for AF to arrive, whenever that happens?!
I woke up at 4am though this morning and couldn't get back to sleep.. I hate when my brain works overtime and starts thinking of things.. and lately all I have been thinking about it the loss I have had, its still quite painful and I really try to focus on the positive but that's so hard when I have just experienced a lot of negative. I'm really nervous and feeling abit strange about tomorrow... It will be one week tomorrow since my life fell apart all of a sudden and I remember everything so clearly, to be honest I think I also will.
I know I've said this before but I'm going to say it again...... its so unfair.. life really does suck sometimes!!
I hope I can keep myself busy tomorrow, I was thinking I might go and get a pedicure or something, I feel like I need to do something girly to make me feel better.

I also want to say thanks to all the ladies who have been commenting and thinking of me over the last week.. I really appreciate everyones comments and it does actually make me feel better when I read the supportive comments from you all. xx

I need a new blog name now I guess... :(

2011-07-18T10:29:00.001+10:00

So I guess I need to think of a new blog name now :( I was going to change it back to "ready for my baby bump" but I just don't think I am really for that just yet.
Can anyone give me some ideas on what I can call it??? because nothing comes to mind at the moment.

I also thought I may as well introduce you to the "real me" as it doesn't matter now I guess who knows as most of our friends and family know we "were" - really hate that word pregnant and lost our little one so I would assume they would also know that "one day" I may feel ready to try again... most of my friends aren't bloggers anyway so I don't think they will find this unless I tell them.
Hubby is already happy to try again whenever I am ready and he said he will wrap me up in bubble wrap and make sure I don't do anything at ALL for 9 months haha sweet but that's not going to happen. Its only been 5 days after it happened bub would have been 10 weeks and 2 days today :( and I am surely am NOT ready to try again. I need time, not sure how much but I just need time and hubby understands that completely.

I will post the "real me" in a separate post shortly after I think of another name for my blog and change everything again...

Life can be so unfair sometimes

2011-07-16T12:27:00.002+10:00

Today is Saturday here is Australia and I am still in bed on the computer and watching TV. I know I should get up but I don't feel like it yet... maybe soon I will.
I told hubby to go to work for a few hours this morning as he owns his own business and at the moment his business partner is more then happy to go it on his own but I thought it would be good for hubby to get out of the house for awhile, he didn't want to leave me this morning and just hugged me an hour after his alarm went off. He is such a great person and I am so happy to have him in my life.

I also got a call from my Nanna this morning. She and I are quite close - she was like a mother to me when I was younger. She didn't call until now as she wanted to give me some time, I understand and appreciate that she let me have some time to myself. After a little cry on the phone to her she actually said a few things that made me feel alot better. You see my Nanna is a very spiritual person and I know there is some people out there that don't really believe in that sort of thing so I wont go on to what she said but just a few things she said to me made me feel a little bit more understanding in accepting what has happened to me. She was very positive and made me see a little sense in it all... I'm glad she called and I love her so much, I hate that she lives so far away :(

I think the main thing that I get upset about is sometimes is I just think how unfair it is when you see some people in the street or even people you know that don't look after themselves that just seem to have uncomplicated pregnancies and babies, or aren't even trying to get pregnant and do! Yet people like me whose fit, healthy, has a great husband and ready to share our love with a baby, this horrible thing happens!!! I just don't understand the world sometimes. Why does this happen? I guess no one has the answer and I'm sure there is other people who also feel this way when going through the same thing but I'm just going to say its unfair and really heart wrenching to those of us that deserve to me happy as well!

1st day after M/C and D/C

2011-07-14T18:42:00.001+10:00

Today doesn't seem much better. I got about 3-4 hours sleep last night and kept waking up crying. I received some beautiful flowers from some family and close friends. Such a lovely thought but everytime I read the little card on the flowers I would cry. I don't think I've cried so much in my life.

I'm feeling ok after the day surgery but starting to get a little bit of pain on my left side so hubby has ducked up the shops to get me some pain relief.
I made a follow up appointment to see my obs in 5 weeks time, then we should have the pathology results and hopefully it might give us an answer to what happened with bub. My obs seems to think it may be a chromosome problem where when the cell divide to create bub, and if they are abnormal or become abnormal my body can just ends the process. We won't know 100% until we get the results but my obs said that is the most common one in first pregnancy miscarriage?! So I'm not sure. I just hope they can tell us something.

I'm still very emotional which I guess is to be expected but I'm glad hubby has taken some time off with me to be here.

Thank you for the lovely messages in my earlier post. I wasnt going to post again today but everyone keeps telling me to talk and get it out so hopefully this will help Me somehow.

Its been awhile :(

2011-07-14T02:35:00.004+10:00

Sorry for my lack of posting but I've had a very whirlwind time the last few weeks. After tell family and close friends and sharing the excitement and joy or lives suddenly turned the opposite way today. 9 weeks and 5 days today and I had a strange feeling something wasn't right. I had no bleeding or cramping what so ever but just a "feeling" that I needed to get bub checked. Lucky I work in an imaging department and asked one of the sonographers to have a look for me. I could tell by her face that something wasn't right and then she gave me the bad news " bub no longer has a heart beat" my heart sank and she also did a internal scan just to double check and still nothing :,( bub was measuring well to the dates so it seems it must of stopped yesterday or sometime very early in the morning?! I'm not sure.
I don't really know why I am writing this, I am so upset, hurt and confused. It's 2am here and I'm wide awake in bed after waking at 12pm crying to my husband.
My obs was absolutely fabulous I went straight away to see him and he gave me a hug, chatted to me for awhile and fitted me into surgery a few hours later. I'm not sore from the surgery at all, he did a great job, I'm just more sore in my heart and my head, I can't stop crying and I am feeling very empty, hurt and lonely. Hubby has been great he is very supportive and of cause he is upset to so we both have had a cry together but I just can't help thinking why? It seems nothing anyone says helps and even though I know " it's not our fault" I can't help thinking why me? Why us?

No symptoms at all except I stopped having morning sickness the last week and just a feeling I needed to look and see is bub was ok. It's so upsetting to know that yesterday our lives were filled when happiness and today it has been all taken away and deeply saddened.

New look...

2011-06-29T10:58:00.001+10:00

As you can see Ive have a bit of a make over.. it was about time as I felt like abit of an update and I thought since the great news Ive have recently it was also time to slightly change the name as well.
Hopefully everything is working fine - sorry about the Ultrasound pic not working earlier but it should be all Ok now! Hope you all like the new look!!?

Oh I also discovered these "grab buttons" looking around on other blogs and I thought they were such a great idea so I also got one of them made with my new design.
Don't forget to 'grab my button' and put it on your blog and if you have one let me know and I will add yours onto my blog too! Hope you all have a great day.. I better get back to " doing some work" haha

Ultrasound Pic ( taken at 7 weeks)

2011-06-29T09:34:00.006+10:00

Here is a little pic of our bub.. it dont look like much of a baby yet but im excited to share it with you all. - Sorry its not the clearest picture, I had to take a photo of it from my phone and upload it that way.

Ultrasound!!

2011-06-27T18:32:00.001+10:00

So Saturday we went for our very first Ultrasound and I have to say I was extremely nervous but excited at the same time. We went in and the Sonographer was lovely. He put some gel on my belly and my eyes were fixed on the screen. He then showed us the gestational sac and in there was a tiny single baby with a strong heart beat of 143bpm. Hubby and I couldnt wipe the smiles off out faces. He even let us listern to the heart beat!! It was a sound that I will never forget! His measurements of "bub" say that I was 7 weeks exactly ( now 7 weeks 2 days today). According to my LMP I should of been 8 weeks but as I said before I was uncertain what I was as I ovulated a week later then I should have so that would make bub spot on to my ovulation! :)
I will post a picture of my little "dot" hopefully tomorrow as I am blogging from my iPhone, cooking dinner and trying to rest as I am so tired! After the ultrasound finished and hubby and I left the clinic he said to me " listerning to the heart beat was what made me think, wow I'm going to be a dad!" it certainly was a great day for both of us.

Tomorrow...

2011-06-24T09:05:00.001+10:00

Our big day has finally arrived and I cant wait! Our first Ultrasound of our little one, hubby and I are so excited, I really cant wait to see a little heart flickering away its going to be such a great morning. Then off to do a tour of the Maternity suite at the Private Hospital we are looking at attending, I already know I want to go there but just wanted to do a proper tour and get as much information as I can, Plus its great for hubby to be there as well to see it all. He is just as excited as me I think. Its so great when they love to be involved.

(warning below maybe TMI)
I went my Acupuncture session late yesterday afternoon and after the session I went to the bathroom and had very small amount of brown mucus when I wiped. I was a little worried, but heard that this can be common and not to worry unless I get pain and red spotting/bleeding. This morning I woke up and was a little worried to go to the bathroom but all things going well there was no sign of anymore brown mucus. Thank god!! I'm not sure what caused it or why it happened but I'm glad there is nothing else there and it hasn't progressed into anything worse. I think I may mention it at my Ultrasound appointment tomorrow to see if they can give me an insight to what may cause this.

June ICLW

2011-06-21T16:58:00.001+10:00

So this is my second ICLW and a lot has happened since I registered to do this one. You may have guessed that yes I am now pregnant!! Yay for me! ha ha and I am very happy to say that I am looking forward to growing my baby bump.. My blog will be getting a make over in the next week - I know, I know for my current readers they have been hearing this alot but I can assure you it being worked on and fingers crossed it wont be to much longer! :)

In advance I want to say thank you to my regular follows - girls you know who you are ;) your support is always fantastic and I really appreciate it and Hello (waving in the air) and welcome to the new visitor's to my page.I hope you all have a fabulous time ICLW week and I'm looking forward to reading and following some new blogs! I realise that some of you have been TTC for some so please don't be put of by me now being pregnant. I want to support you as much as I hope you will support me through this first time journey!

Oh and don't forget to enter my competition which you can find by clicking HERE there are some great prizes to win!

7 weeks, 3 days

2011-06-20T13:49:00.001+10:00

Can you believe I am 7 weeks and 3 days!! (according to my LMP)
I cant believe that I have manged to tell no one... well except my blog readers! :) Its been hard let me tell you. Only 2 weeks until we tell our families - we are going to surprise hubbies parents at his dad birthday on the 7th of July like I mentioned in another post eariler and I will tell my family that same day as well. Hopefully then I will feel abit better because at the moment I am making up lots of excuses why I'm feeling sick and not able to drink a glass of wine at dinner when we have dinner with the family! haha. The just a few more weeks after that we can tell everyone else. We want to get past that 12 week mark before we annouce it to the world!

Here is what I am experiencing at the moment:

Tiredness, like you wouldn't believe.

Nausea all day, a feeling like I want to be sick but don't want to.

Sore boobs.

Sensitive smell.. oh this is the worst! Hubby and I went to the markets yesterday to have a look around and I had to sit down half way through walking. A part from feeling sick, tired and smelling all the smells of food, people, perfume it was making me feel so sick!

Loss of appetite - particularly at night time.

Craving - and most of my readers will think this is probably gross - Peanut butter and Honey Sandwich! if you haven't had it before you should try it! so yum! ha ha.

Bright yellow urine (sorry for TMI) - I was alittle worried about this but read that it is normal if you are taking lots of vitamins. I'm drinking lots of water so I cant be dehydrated so I'm putting it down to the vitamins but will ask my Doctor at my next appointment.

Count down till we see our little bub - 5 days!!

Friday...

2011-06-17T14:47:00.001+10:00

Well yesterday got worse before it got better, to the point where I had to run to the bathroom to vomit! Yuk!.. not a nice thing to do while at work... lucky no one saw me!
I woke up this morning though after another early night and I feel so much better. Thank you God!! :) Lets hope it stays that way!
So the weekend is here and I am glad.. now only 8 more days till we see our little bub on Ultrasound! Yay I was trying to convince hubby to change it to tomorrow but he doesn't want to be "to early" and not see a heart beat and for them to tell us to come back again next week so I will just have to wait! Bugger! hahaha.

Well I don't really have anything else to update you on on the "Pregnancy side of things"
I'm still waiting to for my blog design, hopefully is wont be to long till I have a personalised blog!

Hope you all have a fantastic weekend! x

worst night (TMI)

2011-06-16T09:34:00.002+10:00

Last night would had to of been the worst night so far, I got home from work at 530pm and cooked myself a small dinner (hubby is away for the night with his father watching a Football game in another state) I ate dinner and jumped into bed as I was so exhausted for some reason.

At 730pm I fell asleep and then was woken up by horrible "gas" pains and went to the bathroom. Everything was normal?! The "wind" pains finally went and I went back to bed. This of course happened to me not once... but 4 times throughout the night and each time I went to the bathroom everything was all normal and there was no signs of diarrhea (sorry for TMI) Ive also had a lot of nausea as well this morning and I was considering calling in sick for work but we are so short staffed that I couldn't do that to them so I'm here in body but that's about it. I have no idea if this is part the "symptoms" pregnancy brings but I am so tired and I feel like I am going to fall asleep at my desk! Im counting down to finishing time even though I have only been here for 1 and a half hours!

I hope I start feeling better soon :(

I hate winter

2011-06-14T11:32:00.001+10:00

Today its so cold, the sun is shining outside but I have the heater going on inside as I am freezing!!! I have to get ready for my Acupuncture appointment soon as well but I cant drag myself off the couch to get ready..
I have been feeling really well the last few days, no real morning sickness or anything which is good but a little scary as it makes me think.. whats going on? I know, I know I should enjoy it while it lasts.. lol but the sickness somehow makes me feel better about the whole thing, I have to say I am starting to get a little belly already!! I don't know if it is just bloating but I am definitely feeling bigger.. and looking bigger!! Hope that is not a sign that I am going to be massive as Im not the biggest person in the world! haha Lets hope I can hide it until 12 weeks so I can tell my friends and my work!!

I am really looking forward to my first scan.. only 11 more days to go! - could it go any slower??
I want to see that little heart beating and I want to find out exactly how many weeks I am as my late ovulation has confused the hell out of me in calculating my dates. The other night hubby put his head on my belly.. I said to him " what are you doing?" He said " Shhhh!!", "I'm trying to listern!, but all I can hear is your belly grumbling!" haha I thought it was very cute! I said to him, "You wont be able to hear anything silly, its about the size of a apple seed!" haha he makes me laugh sometimes, so glad he is all involved though, its makes it that much more special!

I also wanted to do a big shout out for a blog friend of mine.... CONGRATULATIONS "RACHEL" ON YOUR POSITIVE!!!!! I'm SO happy for you and your hubby and looking forward to following this journey with you, we will be only a few weeks a part id say.. exciting times for the both of us!!

BIG hugs and a toast of our "non alcoholic" wine!! :) xxxx

Fat day!

2011-06-08T13:26:00.001+10:00

So I woke up feeling really good this morning - always seems the way after an Acupuncture session. I am feeling very fat today though!! I keep looking at my belly and as I am fairly skinny you can see my belly bulging out ha-ha.. Glad I sit behind a desk at work! hahaha. I hope Im just having a "fat day" and Im not starting to get a belly already!! Im only 5 weeks and I've got another 7 weeks before I want to tell work! ha-ha.
I also received my blood results from yesterday and my HCG was 2200, so Im defiantly pregnant! he he.. Its starting to sink in now but Im also starting to feel a little scared about the whole thing. I know its normal to feel scared and nervous the first time round and I am going to try not to think about it until its closer to labour time!

I am going to try and focus on all the positive things and the enjoyment of telling our friends and family - Just hope I can hold off till the beginning of July to tell my family and the end of July to tell everyone else. We just want to make sure that everything goes smoothly and we don't have any unexpected bumps before that time.

Appointments

2011-06-07T18:33:00.001+10:00

Today was full of appointments..
Doctors, blood test and Acupunturist. My blood results will take 24 hours so I will be calling my doctors around lunch time Tomorrow to see what they say.. Even through i know they will be positive I just want to make sure :) Hehe I still find myself doing pregnancy tests every 2nd day Or so to see if I will still get that positive, I have no idea why I'm doing that!!? I think Im still questioning myself even after heaps of positive tests, morning sickness and sore boobs! Lol.

I have also made an appointment on the 25th of June when I'm a little further on so I'm looking forward to that and i think that will really make it sink on when I hear my baby's heart beat!

Approximately 4 weeks and 1 day

2011-06-04T17:29:00.001+10:00

Today I woke up with sore stomach muscles... It felt like I had done 100 sit ups in my sleep. Apparently this can be a normal thing if you sleep on your stomach.... in which case I did! I didn't think that so early into this I wouldn't be able to sleep on my stomach! So hopefully I can stop myself doing that as I don't want to wake up feeling like that again!
I also felt really blah today.. sore stomach muscles, nausea, had reflux all day ( I do get this sometimes so not sure if its pregnancy related), tired and a little bit of Diarrhea after eating half an apple. (sorry for TMI).
I think I may have spoke to soon when I said "I haven't had any symptoms of sickness" ha ha.

I'm feeling much better at the moment though and really looking forward to Tuesday morning to get to the Doctors and get a blood test ( geez never thought I would be saying I'm glad to get a blood test!!)

Hubby and I have been chatting about names already! he he.... we are very excited and even though I am scared to death of the whole thing (body change, labour etc) I am trying to think positive and get through this first early stage.

I purchased these cute little frames to tell my dad and my in laws ( I absolutely love my inlaws so I wanted to do something special) My father doesn't live in the same state as us so that's going to be pretty hard.. I'm still yet to work out how I am going to surprise him with the news... I don't want to just call him up, I want to see his reaction. :)
As for my inlaws well they live 30mins from us and its my father in-laws birthday on the 7th of July so hubby and I are going to get a pic of our Ultrasound and put in in one of these frames (below) and give him his "normal" birthday present and then after he opens that say " oh and we found this for both you and "mother in-law", we thought you both might like it" and hand them both the small frame wrapped up with the Ultrasound picture in it!!
We will be around 8 weeks on the 7th of July and I thought it would be a great idea. Lets hope I can hold off telling until then and they like the surprise!!

Problems commenting

2011-06-03T16:58:00.001+10:00

Is it just me or is anyone else having problems commenting? I knew there was a problem the other week but its happening to me yesterday and still today!!
I see there is people commenting on my posts so what the hell is going on, why cant I comment :(

There are so many post I want to comment on but I cant!! Damn you blogger.. you need to fix yourself!!

Yep.. Im pregnant!!

2011-06-03T13:13:00.001+10:00

I only just managed to hold off till today (3 days after I got the faint positive line) and I tested again this morning and its a DARK positive line and came up alot quicker then the one I did 3 days ago. YAY ( fist pump!)

Although yesterday morning I woke up at 3am feeling very nauseous and not myself, that stayed with me ALL day, so I had a feeling that I was for sure pregnant!

I really think it hasn't fully hit me yet though because sometimes I still think " am I?" I guess its because it all new and I think once I have a blood test and scan it will make it more real.

I went to see Andrea last night and told her about my morning/day sickness I was having... I had only managed to eat a small bowel of muesli for breakfast and I forced myself to eat an orange at lunch as I was feeling terrible and not hungry at all! anyway she said she can help me with that so after my Acupuncture session I went home and slept perfectly all night. I even woke up without any sign of nausea.. So I am thinking it may have worked... for now anyway! hehe

Hubby is really great as well, he is so involved already with asking me questions, looking at my "A child is born" book that explains how the sperm meets the egg and the process begins. Its good to have him interested in it all and I hope it stays that way.

I am going to my doctors and to have a blood test on Tuesday morning ( I really hate blood tests!!) but i am looking forward to finding out those results.. I'm sure they will be positive if my HPT keep coming back positive but I think it will just make it a little more "real".

My blog is getting a face lift in a few days and it has come at a perfect time! I don't want to get to far ahead of myself but I may have to change the name slightly.

OMG I think Im pregnant

2011-06-01T09:56:00.002+10:00

So since my last post yesterday with the pregnancy test piccies I then went back to the chemist that I brought it from to show them, I wanted to get some information whether or not it was positive as I was still convinced that either something was wrong with the test or I was seeing things! he he.. they said its defiantly a positive and I should re-test in a few more days with my "first morning wee" and then it will hopefully be a stronger reading and confirm that postive.

I also call Andrea my Acupuncturist and she said that defiantly I could be pregnant but also suggested to test again in a few days, I am seeing her tomorrow after work anyway for my 2nd session of Acupuncture. I also told her that I am abit worried as last time I spoke with her she said that due to me ovulating late (day 20) its an "old egg" she said for me not to worry and I could go on to have a perfect pregnancy and baby and many people do when they ovulate late but there is some that don't, like in any pregnancy. Her words were "don't worry until you need to worry"

So not sure how to react, feel, think I went home after work and told hubby "I think we are pregnant and I think you are going to be a daddy' and showed him the test. He was excited but said he doesn't want to get to excited until I do another one that has a strong line and confirm that I am REALLY pregnant. I understand and agreed as I to am feeling abit blazay about the whole thing and wondering is this really happening?!. I just tested because I was unsure but did not think I was pregnant, Imagine if I had left it and not tested!!! ha ha.. I'm so glad I did but still feeling abit unsure that its correct!! Time will tell!

So Ive decided to wait until Friday ( that would give me another 3 days) before I test again in the morning. I really hope I can wait that long! he he

I found a little Calculator thing on the Internet and put in my ovulation date and here it what is says:

Last menstrual period: Sat, May 7th ,2011 <-- That's wrong as my last menstrual period started on the 29 April and ended on the 1st of May. (but i have irregular cycles)Ovulation date: Fri, May 20th ,2011 <-- That's correct
Conception date: Sat, May 21st ,2011 <--- I'm guessing this is correct
Implantation date: Sun, May 29th ,2011 <-- This was the second day I had some spotting... Implanton bleed!?
Due date: Sat, February 11th ,2012

Its also telling me that I 3 weeks & 4 days pregnant today but I'm not sure if this is correct as my Last menstrual period date is incorrect on there. It was funny because hubby said " but you cant be, your only 14 days pregnant' he he.. He didn't realise that once you "Fall" pregnant you are already 2 weeks pregnant, well normally calculating from your last period if your cycle is "normal" If I calculate from MY last period I would be something like 4 weeks and 3 days?? -. I guess it does sound strange and yes very confusing!.

So what I will do is;

1. See Andrea tomorrow night.
2. Test again on Friday morning.
3. If positive I will book into see my doctor on my day off ( Tuesday ) and get a blood test. (or will that be to early??)

Its strange because I don't have any symptoms! I guess we will just have to wait and see. My temp is still high so thats a good thing! :) Sorry for the massive post!!

Update

2011-05-31T13:21:00.004+10:00

So I had my lunchtime wee, tested again and its still a faint line... can you see it or am I imagining it?

What does this mean? What should I do? Im freaking out!!!!

Is it or isnt it?

2011-05-31T09:40:00.001+10:00

This morning I checked my blog on my phone and saw a comment from a fairly new follower "Rachel" and Rachel, I took your advise and took a pregnancy test this morning when I got up and it a very faint positive line showed up!!!
Now I'm not sure if there was a fault with the test or if I was just seeing things!

As these tests are just cheap tests that I purchased online, the ones that you dunk into the small container of pee.. I'm wondering if that has something to do with it so what I am going to do is going to the Chemist on my lunch brake and get a "proper" early detection one and hopefully that will give me some more information. I don't feel like I am pregnant!? and if I only ovulated on day 20 and today is day 32 then that would make it VERY early and maybe impossible to get a positive reading...Right?

Ill keep you all updated when I do another test at lunch time... Only another 3 hours to go!! ha ha.

CD 31.. waiting

2011-05-30T18:19:00.002+10:00

Today marks Cycle day 31 and I feel like I am waiting for AF to arrive, with the spotting I had the other day I was sure that AF would have rearred her ugly head, but nope, nothing happening down there and no sign of anything yesterday or today, no spotting, no cramps, no drop in temp..

So what do I do? My cycles have always been all over the place since coming off the pill and I really don't think that hubby and I were successful in fertilizing my "old egg" as my Acupuncturist calls it.
My temp is still high, I feel ok expect from that little bit of pain in my Kidney area on Friday night.... Do I bother testing? or do I wait to see if AF arrives on the predicted day "34" when Andrea said it was going to come?
Oh I wish I had regular cycles so I know what is going on and I didnt have to keep waiting!!

I came across this pic and thought is was so cute that I had to make a part of my waiting post, isnt it the cutest thing ever!!!! :)

Photo from Sandeep Kumar

1st ICLW now over

2011-05-29T09:28:00.002+10:00

My first encounter of ICLW has now finished for this month and I have to say I really enjoyed it. I picked up a few more followers and also found a lot of great blogs out there that I am currently reading and following.
I defiantly will be doing it again next month so if you haven't done it before I suggest you do! It's great fun!

Date Night

2011-05-28T10:42:00.001+10:00

Hubby and I went to the movies last night and saw Hangover II, I'm sure most of you have seen it advertised and alot of the girls in the US may have already seen it but it was released into Australia this week so being Friday night hubby and I decided to go and have a laugh.
I was in much need of a laugh as I wasn't feeling well yesterday - so much for my previous post in saying that I was feeling fantastic and sleeping better then ever! I spoke to soon because that night I slept really badly and woke up not feeling myself. All day I had a pain in my right side - pretty sure it was my kidney area and it brought me back to the memories of when I suffered a Kidney Stone last year. I went to wok and came home early, just because I was feeling myself and we were pretty quite anyway. I came home and had a sleep and woke up feeling better.
I was abit hesitant in going to the movies but I decided to go anyway and I am glad I did, it was a really funny movie and I recommend anyone looking for a good laugh to go and see it. I walked out of the cinema still laughing! haha

So today I woke up when hubby got up for work and I took my temp, the normal routine at 7am. Then I hopped back into bed, as again I didn't sleep well. I woke up at 930am (which is a very big sleep in for me but again I felt much better) I then went to the bathroom to find that I am spotting!? today is day 29, so I'm not sure if this is going to turn into an early AF for me or if it is going to be the usual spotting that seems to occur days/week before AF.

I'm feeling alot better today though and the pain in my side is gone so I'm really unsure what that could have been from. I hope I don't get it again and I really hope its not another Kidney Stone making its way down .

CD 27

2011-05-26T18:02:00.001+10:00

Nothing much to update you all on.. I have been feeling great since my Acupuncture 3 days ago. I am waking up better then ever before. My temp is still rising but I guess that's because AF hasn't arrived and there is no sign at the moment of it coming so I'm guessing it may come in the mid 30s of my cycle. I don't think hubby and I were successful with ovulation and hearing what Andrea said about my egg being an "old egg" as I ovulated on day 20 I very much doubt that I am. Which is OK, Im not going to let that get me down..

Oh and I didn't have any luck finding a Yoga class around my area so I have decided to do the next best this... Plilates! I have never done Pliates before but looking forward to doing something. I start the class on Monday so I'm sure you will hear all about it! lol. I need to do something as hubby works a lot and I don't have any close friends here where we live, they are all in another state.. - you would think around 5 years being somewhere I could find that special "best friend" but I haven't.. YET! hehe.

Its nice to see some new followers to my page... I wonder how many I can reach before ICLW finishes!!?

Well Im off to cook a yummy dinner x

The Versatile Blogger Award

2011-05-24T18:34:00.004+10:00

I received The Versatile Blogger Award a few days ago from "New Year Mum" I was pretty excited as I hadn't seen this before as I am fairly new to the blogging world.

I want to say a big thank you to "New Year Mum" for awarding me this and its great to find another "Aussie" in the blogging world as I havent found many... yet!

As part of this award thing... you need to :

1. Link back to the person who gave you the award: Above

2. Tell 7 things about yourself....

I have been with my husband since I was 16. - Im now 27.

I love to cook and bake new recipes.

I absolutley LOVE popcorn and I dont know why!

I spend far to much time on my Iphone.

I am the 2nd eldest of 6 childern, My dad thinks he was a baby making machine back in the day! haha.

My favourite colour at the moment is red.

I hate seafood and cant/wont eat anything that comes from the sea.

3. Award other bloggers... For the Versatile Blogger Award it's to 15 'recently discovered bloggers' and for the Stylish Blogger Award it's 10 - 15 blogs that 'you feel deserve this award'....

After lots of hours reading and lots of great blogs here is my list of bloggers that I have awarded the Versitile blog award to. I am also following these blogs and they are in no particular order!

- Natalie from Busy Budgeting Mama

- Lindsay from Waiting for that positive

- Ericka from This hampton life of mine

- Cyndi from Love Marriage where is the Baby Carriage

- CGD from Adventures in Infertility Land

- Carlia from The Stork Drop Zone

- Rebecca from The Road Less Travelled

- Carlia from The Stork Drop Zone

- AJ From Rainbow making 101

- Tiffany From Young but Infertile

- Hopeful1 from Our Twisty Turny Journey

- OliveLEAH Olive You Leah

- Laura From Maybe a baby wichman

- Summastarlet From Just us... for now

- Diana from Bun(less) in the Oven

4. Contact the recently awarded bloggers to let them know that they've won : Doing that right now!!

Then you guys all keep spreading the love to other blogs you love... just cover the 4 points above :)

1st Visit to the Acupuncturist / Natural Fertility Clinic

2011-05-24T16:34:00.001+10:00

Today was my very first visit to the Acupuncturist and I have to say I really enjoyed it. It wasn't painful at all - I didn't even feel a thing and Andrea the Acupuncturist was fantastic, she really knows her stuff. I was surprised when she said she had done work with Francesca Naish - whose book I am actually reading at the moment!!

So getting down to what actually happened at my visit.

I arrived there at 9am and filled out some paperwork, the normal stuff when you first go to a clinic, personal details, what meds I am on, any symptoms I am having etc etc.

Andrea and I then chatted for a little bit so she could give me some background information on herself and her practice as well as asked me a few questions. She looked at my temp chart and said that, even though I have finally ovulated this month, I am ovulating to late in my cycle ( I ovulated at day 20) and if hubby and I were to fertilize an egg it would be an "old" egg which is not the greatest ( apparently can be 1 of the reasons for miscarriage). She said we will work on bringing my cycles and ovulation back to where they should be.
She also mentioned that it may be very unlikely that we fertilized this months egg being that I ovulated so late and it is my first ovulation since coming off the pill., also not knowing what hubbies spermies are like ( I was OK with that cause I want to be 100% healthy before conceiving)

Andrea also mentioned looking at my chart, my liver isn't functioning 100% as my temps at the start of the month are fluctuating to much, this is also caused from the pill that I had been putting in my body for 10 years (poison I tell you!!)

She recommend that I "hold off" on TTC for the next cycle so she can get my body in top order before conceiving. - Again I'm OK with this decision surprisingly because it does make sense, you are creating a person so you should be healthier and rid your body of all the bad things the pill does so your baby is healthy and you have a good healthy pregnancy.

So down the the Acupuncture and this is where is gets interesting...

After stripping off to my underwear and lying on a bed, Andrea begin to do the "Hara Diagnosis" and she said that my centre body energy is very low and she asked " How is your relationship with your mother?",..... I almost died, I haven't spoken of my mother on my blog before as I have never had a good relationship with her, she has disappointed me on several occasions throughout my life and I don't want to get side tracted and start writing about her and the issues I have with her but basically my relationship with my mother is non existent... as sad as it is. I replied to Andrea and told her a little bit about my relationship with my mum and she said that this is effecting my bodies centre energy and I should really do something about it to begin the healing process. ( now I don't know about you but I am not into all the spiritual and natural healing and this is the first visit to a clinic like this so I am still alittle unsure what I should do, can this really have an impact on my body???)
Andrea recommends I should write a detailed letter to my mother, telling her all the things that I have felt, am feeling, why she has disappointed me etc etc. I'm really not sure if I want to open a can of worms as i know I will get a reply.. To all my blogger friends... what do you all suggest I do?

Andrea thinks that I should do it before I become a mother as it will only be harder on me once I am.

After that little strange chat about my mother she started the Acupuncture on numerous parts of my body. I didn't feel a thing, when I turned over, she did my back and let me rest with them in for about 20 mins or so.
She has also given me some "Spirulina" for my digestive system and also some "Colloidal Minerals" as I am lacking in certain things, it will help to cleanse my liver, kidneys and other areas effected by the pill.

It all sounds so strange but she really knows her stuff and if she can help me get my body in great shape before conceiving I am happy with that. I left there today with some goals that I am going to try and do starting this week and beyond.

Goals:

1. Join a yoga class ( always wanted to but scared cause I have never done it)
2. Try and eat more meat and protein.
3. Write a letter to my mum....??!! - Hmmm I'm still thinking about that one.
4. Avoid baby dancing next month ( as hard as it will be)
5. Weekly visits to Andrea.
6. Try and convince hubby to come to her "preconception health care" class.

My next appointment with Andrea is next Thursday.

Oh and she predicts AF will arrive on day 34!! Lets see if she is correct!

CD 24

2011-05-23T11:42:00.001+10:00

So this morning I updated my Chart with Fertility Friend ( apologies for the "not very clear picture below") as I am going to see the Acupuncturist tomorrow morning she wants to see my charts etc. I normally use my Iphone app to chart my temps and any other information as it is always with me and easy to use. I then log on to Fertility Friend when I get time and enter everything in there so I can see my chart grow and am able to print it out.

As you all know in my previous posts this month is the first time I have ovulated since coming off the pill and I just love looking at it on the chart ( silly I know). I actually thought I ovulated on the 19th as that was the first OPK positive but it seems I ovulated on the 20th according to my chart (which I also got a positive reading on that day) I just hope doing the BD on the 19th was enough for that otherwise this month will be out for us due to hubby freaking out and not able to finish the deed on the 20th and 21st haha.

I am feeling ok today nothing different to the norm so we will just have to wait and see if AF comes.

I'm a little excited and scared about going tomorrow as I have never had Acupuncture and wondering to myself if I really need to go now that I am finally starting to ovulate!?.

I have waited a while to get in so I think I should go, I'm not really sure what she can do for me now that everything "seems" to be working.

I'm also wondering if they can do Acupuncture on you if you are pregnant (I'm being hopeful! hehe) and if so what would that do?

I guess I will have to just wait and see how I go tomorrow.

ICLW Week

2011-05-22T10:46:00.002+10:00

Well this is my first month trying ICLW and its only day one and I am already loving it!!
Its a great way to follow some new blogs and to also get some new followers ( Hello and thanks to my new followers so far!)
Thank you all for the lovely comments you have all posted this morning, I was pretty overwhelmed when I logged on this morning and seen all of them, It great to know that people are reading my blog and I'm not just talking to myself hehe.
I am relatively new to the blogging world and also the TTC world and so far it has been a great experience.

Some of the blogs I have currently read have been very inspirational and some of you ladies out there are very brave at the things you have gone/going through. The stories of your Journey and your feeling really is amazing and I hope I can blog as good as some of you!

I would love it if you can share my journey and I will no doubt be adding more of you to my follow list, with that said I would like to ask a few questions to get to know you all a bit more.

1) How long have you been TTC?
2) Have you hit many speed bumps with TTC, if so what did you do to help you get through it?
3) What is your favorite thing to do in your spare time?
4) What is your blog address?
5) Do you have any children already?

Here are my answers:

1) How long have you been TTC? 4 and a half months.
2) Have you hit many speed bumps with TTC, if so what did you do to help you get through it? Having long cycles after coming off the pill and not ovulating until recently. Started to chart my temps and going to see a Acupuncturist next week, I am still in the early stages of TTC so I am trying not to worry to much about not falling straight away.
3) What is your favorite thing to do in your spare time? Read books, spend time with hubby as he works a lot, cook and go to dinner with friends.
4) What is your blog address? You are currently reading it! hehe.
5) Do you have any children already? No not yet, we are trying for our 1st bundle of joy!!

Looking forward to reading and commenting on more fabulous blogs!!

Rain

2011-05-21T17:18:00.001+10:00

Today is Saturday and it has been a quite and lonely Saturday for me, Hubby is out at work so I have been home alone, cleaning house and getting through some much needed paperwork..

As I type this and very gloomy outside and has started to pour with rain. Every time it rains it reminds me of my childhood and when I look outside when its raining, I smile. It reminds me of when I was younger I lived with my Father, my Grandparent's and my two brothers, we lived in a large 4 bedroom brick home that was located right next to my primary school, it was a beautiful home, a very clean and welcoming place and I felt very safe there.
The house was on land, not a lot, just enough to keep my horse. I remember every time it would rain in the warmer months, my eldest brother and I would build shelter, next to the in ground pool with anything we could find in the yard to get out of the rain. We would laugh and play in the rain and make up games to fight and take shelter, even though we could have just walked inside to get out of it. I don't know why we did this but we both loved it and made it a routine thing to do when it started to rain. I remember my heart would pound trying to find things to build our shelter before we got too wet and my brother and I would try and call the dog to take shelter with us.. who never wanted to venture out in the rain to get to us. It was a fun and exciting time and I think I will remember the laughter and excitement of it all forever.

These days I just enjoy looking at the rain, I could stare at it for hours, I really hate being in it and avoid it at all costs, I prefer to be warm and dry these days.

Isn't it funny when certain things remind you of events, people or things you have done in the past. Even songs or perfume sometimes remind me of people and I don't know why. It can be a great way to remember things but sometimes it can also be a sad way.

Whats something that reminds you of a great memory? Sometimes I wish I was still younger, not to have a care in the world and play in the mud if I wanted too!

Down, bloated and confused - CD 21

2011-05-20T14:46:00.001+10:00

Today I am feeling pretty down, bloated and confused! :(

Hubby and I didn't baby dance again last night as he was focusing to much on "trying to get it right" that he couldn't finish what he started... if you know what I mean. I cant understand why he is worrying so much about it but after a few reassuring comments from the girls on Bub Hub Forum explaining its apparently quite common for men to be like this when TTC.
I have also taken their advise and so from now on I'm not going to tell hubby all about my cycles, when I'm ovulating etc etc and just go with the flow, I think I may have given him way to much information that he isn't use to and it may have really overwhelmed him ( but it was only because I was excited I finally ovulated!)

So I'm confused if we have missed our chance or not, I guess time will tell! I'm also confused because I went to the bathroom this morning and had a gush of fresh bright red blood - Sorry for TMI that has since stopped and Im just feeling so confused with what the hell is going on with my body!!

I'm going to keep the appointment with the Acupuncturist/ Natural Fertility lady on Tuesday morning and hopefully she can shed some light on what is happening.

Sorry if this post sounds a little down in the dumps but I am just feeling that way at the moment and not wanting to talk to hubby about it... my blog is the next best thing. :)

Ohh.... I cant wait till 5pm so I can go home from work and jump into my pajamas and watch a good movie, that always makes me feel better!

CD 20

2011-05-19T10:14:00.002+10:00

Yesterday afternoon I got another strong positive on my OPKs, I didn't know you could get them 2 days in a row, 24 hours a part. I've also had some spotting mainly at night and after baby dancing. Looking on Dr Google apparently that can happen?! ( HEHE)

My temp spiked again this morning to 36.51°. I also had some weird achy feelings yesterday which im guessing is just ovulation pain. I'm not sure if I should cancel my acupuncture appointment for Tuesday or not as things seems to be finally starting to work!!?

Hubby is feeling a little under pressure at the moment. We had a good chat last night and he feels like it is all on him at the moment to "make this baby" I guess for the days I am ovulating he is all about the baby dancing and hoping that his little swimmers get to the egg in time. I'm not sure if it is just him or if other people have also experienced this... I hope that he is ok and I don't think I am pressuring him but I think maybe he is feeling over whelmed with all the OPK tests I am doing and telling him we should "do it" this day and that day. I guess I am just excited that by body is finally doing something that it should and don't want to miss it :(